Horoscope

SCORPIO(Oct. 23–Nov. 21): At Tufts Educational Day Care in Somerville, Massachusetts, kids from ages three to five have to sign contracts guaranteeing their good behavior. "I know how to listen to my teachers," they promise. "When my teachers talk to me, I will not scream, try to hit, or say you're not my boss." I'd like you to ask both your inner child and your inner teenager to make a similar vow right now, Scorpio. There are valuable teachers hovering in your vicinity. Some may have educational techniques that are less than adroit, but they all deserve your close, sincere, and humble attention.

SAGITTARIUS(Nov. 22–Dec. 21): In the Netherlands, people often give each other three kisses when they meet, two on the cheek and one on the lips. A Dutch prude named Dolph Kohnstamm is mad about it and has launched a campaign to squash the custom. "Foreigners are quite upset when they have to give three kisses," he rants, "especially when the third kiss is on the mouth." In solidarity with naturally affectionate Dutch people, and in response to the lovey-dovey astrological omens now coming to bear on you Sagittarians, I request that you dole out scores of triple kisses in the coming week.

CAPRICORN(Dec. 22–Jan. 19): Sometimes we have a strong sense of what our destiny is calling us to do, but we don't feel quite ready or brave enough to answer the call. We need a push, an intervention, a serendipitous stroke—what I call fate bait. It's a person or event that awakens our dormant willpower and draws us inexorably toward our fate; it's a thunderbolt or siren song or stage whisper that gives us a good excuse to go do what we know we should do. I suspect that you, Capricorn, are about to meet your fate bait.

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Free Will Astrology is a weekly horoscope published every Wednesday at 3 p.m. EST.




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PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia:
How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings

by Rob Brezsny




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AQUARIUS(Jan. 20–Feb. 18): Please repeat the following affirmation, first articulated by poet Robert Frost: "I am not confused. I am just well mixed." Say it aloud at least 10 times a day for the next week. It will help you put a positive spin on certain events that might otherwise throw you off balance. Your next medicinal soundbite comes from playwright W.S. Gilbert: "I am rich in never-ending unrest." This one will encourage you to regard your turbulence as a creative gift, not a pathological distraction.

PISCES(Feb. 19–March 20): It's a hang-your-head-out-the-window-of-a-speeding-car-like-a-golden-retriever kind of week. You should make yourself as innocent and unselfconscious as possible as you seek out simple, intense pleasures, whether that's letting the wind rush over your face or soaking up the spray of a waterfall or getting a massage every single day or standing near the stage at a live concert so the raw music can surge through you. The object is to scour out your mind with vivid sensations, allowing you to become as empty and fresh as possible.

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