By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
CAPRICORN(Dec. 22Jan. 19): Of all the animals in the world, the fly is the most unloved. It annoys us with its zigzag buzzing. When it lands in our food, we lose our appetite, knowing it carries residues of the disgusting things it has preyed on. But in the creation story of the Chelan Indians, the fly is given a heroic role to play because of its speed. In modern parlance, people say they'd like to be a fly on the wall in a place where an interesting conversation takes place. And the ancient Roman poet Virgil had a pet fly that saved him a fortune. When the fly died, he gave it a large funeral and declared its final resting place a cemetery, thereby avoiding a sizable land tax through a legal loophole. In the coming weeks, Capricorn, I predict you will find similar redemption in an influence you have always regarded as comparable to the fly's.
AQUARIUS(Jan. 20Feb. 18): When rock star Courtney Love asked me for advice about her relationship with rock star Trent Reznor a few years ago, I told her the same thing I'll tell you now: Empty your brain of everything you think you know about the person who both excites you and drives you crazy. Drop all of your fantasies and projections and expectations. As soon as you do, you will clearly see that person is not a diabolical angel whose main task in life is to rouse your obsessive thoughts but rather a flawed human being who has only a partial resemblance to what you imagine him or her to be. When you achieve that enlightened state, then and only then will there be even a shred of hope that you two can have an authentic, vital, mutually enriching relationship.
PISCES(Feb. 19March 20): According to my analysis of the astrological omens, Pisces, the week ahead will be overflowing with paradox. Lucky danger may be headed your way, or a risky opportunity that will feel like an ordeal even as it brings out the best in you. I also wouldn't be surprised if you had encounters with benevolent trouble, exacting love, and weighty silliness. To thrive in the midst of these rich anomalies, you should suspend any prejudices you might have against puzzling evidence. Don't just tolerate the contradictionslove them.
HOMEWORKImagine a moral code rooted in beauty, love, pleasure, and liberation instead of order, control, repression, and fear. Tell me about it at email@example.com