Sex and Dating Deal Breakers

What's the one thing he or she does that turns you off immediately?

Analyzing our deal breakers can sometimes lead to a happy ending: figuring out what we do want from a partner. "I know I'm getting older because the things that turn me on have changed," comic Rena Zager jokes. "Just a few years ago, you know what turned me on? Hot Latino men. Now, know what turns me on? People who act reasonably towards me." I find myself caring about actions much more than looks: how someone treats his friends and family, whether he can keep a secret, if he's pursuing his artistic dream. Small gestures of kindness like babysitting for a niece, being protective of a co-worker's feelings, or drawing a card for a friend's birthday, make me weak in the knees. Those actions reveal qualities in a mate that will likely stand the test of time, once the initial surge of hormones has died down.

Finding someone to fuck every once in a while is relatively easy, but finding someone to spend my life with takes a lot more effort. Sometimes I wish I could compromise on my deal breakers, but settling always comes with an emotional price tag. Hopefully, Avantario's advice will pay off: "Be the best person you can be and eventually you'll attract the right person. Don't go hunting. Things should happen naturally. Most importantly, be open and receptive. You could meet someone on the grocery store line!"

Maia Dunkel & Michelle Avantario
photo: Carol Dronsfield
Maia Dunkel & Michelle Avantario

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