By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
Stuff some Kleenex in your cheeks and pucker for Happy Valley, a pert new club in the East Twenties, where the downstairs bar is backed by two gigantic, fishnetted, garter-belted legs spread akimbo as if in a trans. The first Monday-night bash there drew straights in jeans, downtowners in Mylar, and co-host KENNY KENNY looking like SEAN YOUNG in Blade Runner, as everyone tried to decide whether to run toward or away from the giant legs.
I legged it over to SBNY, where the go-go boys weren't nearly as hot as the two shirtless sanitation workers who were towing away the trash outside. (Little did they know about all the trash inside.)
Speaking of which, on her last free night before lockup, the giant Mister Softee machine known as LIL' KIM was supposed to drop by her PM lounge farewell bash at 11:30 p.m. She actually didn't come till three in the morning. Well, she was convicted of lying.
I'm truthin' when I tell you that Nine Lives is a nonet of women's stories, each told in one unbroken take, just because they could. At the premiere, MARY KAY PLACE told me that the filming process was exhilarating, "like going off a cliff"but added that "you did not want to be the one to mess up the take." She wasn'tbut she did mess with my mind when she sardonically noted, "I love how you look me straight in the eye, then dart your eyes off to the side. Great technique." Yeah, and it's all done in one unbroken take.
Finally, TIM BURTON will probably do more takes of the documentary he was making about late horror legend Vincent Price when Price died in '93. Burton says he'd like to revisit the project, but he'll snip his own footage out of it because "I can't stand looking at myself." Awwhave a dollar!
Summer lover Miranda July
In a love-apalooza straight out of the art house circuit, MIKE MILLS(Thumbsucker's writer-director) is dating MIRANDA JULY (Me and You and Everyone We Know's writer-director-star). If there's a baby, they should name it Angelika IFC Sunshine.
I learned of another quirky coupling when IONE SKYE told The Daily's PETER DAVIS that she enjoyed a particularly swell summer partly because "I had a fantastic fling with [exFelicity star] SCOTT SPEEDMAN." As if there's any other kind of fling you could have with (exFelicity star) Scott Speedman.
In other hunk-a-dunka news, a sinewy waiter at the Maritime was telling people he got a call to work a party for GEORGE CLOONEY's new movie, adding, "They asked for 10 hot guys."
As for high guys, you'll remember that JOHN ELLIS BUSHFlorida governor Jeb's son and the prez's nephewwas recently busted for intoxication and resisting arrest. Well, isn't it poetic that he and messy sister NOELLE reign in the state where there's such a rabid anti-gay-adoption law? It's gays that make bad parents, you know.
JODIE FOSTER's appearance on Ellen this Monday provided a potpourri bowl full of lesbian contentsubtextually, anyway. First off, the two ladies admitted they hang out in the same places ("I see you at the market," Jodie interestingly remarked to ELLEN.) Then they talked about Jodie's butch mama character in Flightplan ("This was written for a man," she confessed.) And getting more intimate, they discussed how, when she was the Coppertone girl in a commercial, they'd put treats in Jodie's pants to make the dog pull 'em down. "Does the Coppertone girl still have treats in her pants?" wondered Ellen. "I'm sure she does," exclaimed Jodie, who then got all uncomfortable and smiled, "I don't want to continue with that line of questioning." It was all in fun, of course. I'm just being a dork.