'Doom'

Yes, Doom is a bad movie but you already knew that. If you have no patience for loud, illogical spectacles you don't need to be told to skip this one. If, however, you have a taste for mindless mayhem in the context of a video-game-inspired, zombies-on-Mars plot . . . "Hesitate and people die," ringleader Sarge (The Rock) warns wobbly-kneed rookie The Kid at the outset of their high-risk mission to a quarantined Martian laboratory. Adopting this maxim of recklessness, Doom plows through 100 absurdly frenetic, whiplash-inducing minutes. Light on plot points that make sense, the story involves mutant monsters on Mars that are killing (maybe) human scientists indiscriminately (perhaps). Sarge's band of elite—and mostly deranged—Marines is naturally prepared to do battle with the slimy beasts; they are also armed to the teeth with guns that make The Rock's BALCO-sized biceps look like little twigs. As dumb as they come, the entertaining Doom might warrant a place in cinema history as the first movie in which someone rips off their own ear.