NY Mirror

So was porn prince MICHAEL LUCAS's house party, which I dragged Mom to, walker and all, without telling her any of the background. "Everyone's so nice!" she exclaimed about the roomful of fisters, fuckers, and felchers. (And they are, they are—from top to bottom.)


Farther uptown, at the Weather Man premiere, I asked restaurateur ELAINE KAUFMAN about her place's recent TAB HUNTER party. "He was very charming," she crowed. Other bashes? "The little guy, MICHAEL GROSS, had a book party." Any others? "They're all the same," she deadpanned. "I have to tell you?"

Tru to life: Capote director Bennett Miller
photo: Attila Dory/Sony Pictures Classics
Tru to life: Capote director Bennett Miller

After the screening, co-star HOPE DAVIS had to tell me that someone near her was offended by the film's cameltoe montage. "That's shocking?" she said. "Downtown there's a billboard of a guy coming out of the waves and a girl's about to blow him, and their heads turn to the camera. That's the closest thing to pornography. And the cameltoe thing is shocking?" Not to the man near me who was making appreciative noises. (I think he even liked the gay pedophile.)

Back to the little guy—Michael Gross, not Capote—a Barnes & Noble ad in the Times unfortunately ran with the wrong photo. It was of MICHAEL JOSEPH GROSS, a whole other, maybe even taller entity (but not by 12 inches).

But even a short-tempered Times review can't bring hastened death to The Odd Couple, which is comfy, mechanical, and sold-out. Like The Producers, this chestnut is basically a male love story, with messy Oscar falling for fussy Felix, the original metrosexual, oven mitts and all. Naturally, I hunted for the lines reeking of gay subtext: "You're tops with me, Oscar!" "That's really funny coming from a fruitcake like you," "Don't forget to look at my meat," and Oscar's line, after Felix moves out: "We broke up!" At the party, I asked JERRY SEINFELD if it was really a gay love story. After humorously urging me to give him a firmer handshake, he said, "No, it's a traditional love story." Between whom? "Between two people." And I guess they're not about to risk it all for a blowjob.

Mo Pitkin's wall of fame
photo: Tricia Romano
Litter Box
Monsters and Mo's

HX magazine's 14th anniversary party at Avalon was a woozy waltz down memory lane, magically turning the club back into the colorfully demented Limelight before my jaded eyes. My booth was enlivened by a straight couple violently making out, a fat guy praying on his knees, a shirtless club kid staring at me with glazed eyes, and someone screaming, "Did you see Party Monster?" All of the above eagerly held out their glasses when someone came around with warm vodka . . . On a calmer note, the restaurant- showcase Mo Pitkin's House of Satisfaction—from the Two Boots people—is a hit, thanks to its East Villagey feel and Hadassah/Havana menu (they actually have a Cuban Reuben). The Satisfaction salad is always available—they never say "We can't get no Satisfaction." . . . Not satisfied with PARIS HILTON's last book? I hear she's doing another one . . . Speaking of more, more, more, spies also say the World of Wonder boys will get their own channel . . . Channeling a preacher man, CARLTON J. SMITH starred in another powerhouse Motown brunch at B.B. King's and told the crowd, "God is in the lowest crack house. He's even in the White House—though theyain't listening!"


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