By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
SAGITTARIUS(Nov. 22Dec. 21): [Nov. 22Dec. 21] It's official. In part because of rising gas prices, consumers are now buying more bicycles than cars. Some observers are alarmed at this development, regarding it as a sign that our culture is being forced to regress to a more primitive state. Others celebrate the trend, seeing it as a big step forward. In their eyes, the loss of convenience and mobility is more than made up for by the gains that will ultimately accrue to our physical health and the environment. I foresee a similar theme about to unfold in your life, Sagittarius. A short-term loss will lead to a long-term gain.
CAPRICORN(Dec. 22Jan. 19): "The obscure we see eventually," said journalist Edward R. Murrow. "The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer." You have recently taken care of the obscure stuff, Capricorn. Through a blend of lucky accidents and your dogged intelligence, you got to the bottom of a stuffy old mystery and ripped away the veils that were hiding a crippled old truth. Now you're finally primed to notice an open secret that has been right in front of you for quite some time.
AQUARIUS(Jan. 20Feb. 18): On September 17, 1859, businessman Joshua Norton crowned himself emperor of the United States. He quickly issued an edict that dissolved the U.S. Congress, citing its fraud and corruption, and later abolished the Democratic and Republican parties. He created his own money to pay his debts and called for the creation of a League of Nations decades before that institution came into being. Though most people in power ignored him, he was a celebrated figure in his hometown of San Francisco, appreciated for his brazen deeds and humor. When he died after a 21-year reign, 30,000 people attended his funeral. I urge you to make Emperor Norton your role model in the coming weeks, Aquarius. May he inspire you to declare yourself protector and guide of a domain that desperately needs more of your leadership. May you rule with a velvet hand, not an iron hand, dispensing witty wisdom as you promote your vision of utopia.
PISCES(Feb. 19March 20): In my astrological opinion, you really need to kiss the mist on the grass at dawn. For your life to be a complete success, you should also gaze at the tops of trees regularly, make a wish as you spit into a pond where the moon is reflected, and arrange for the sun to shine on the back of your neck as you sing an improvised ballad about your future. And if you'd like to earn some extra credit with the deities, making it impossible for them to resist sending you a bolt of brilliant cosmic juju, I advise you to eat a cookie while imagining it's the body of your favorite god or goddess.
Homework Rob will perform in New York at 8 p.m. on Saturday, November 12, at the Chapel of Sacred Mirrors (cosm.org), located at 540 West 27th Street, fourth floor. The event celebrates his new book Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You With Blessings