By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
ARIES(March 21April 19): I don't think you'll become the equivalent of a king or queen in the coming weeks, but you could be instrumental in determining who becomes a king or queen. And that would ultimately be fun for you. Likewise, I doubt that you yourself will be the beneficiary of a windfall or a stroke of uncanny luck, but there's a chance that someone close to you will, and his or her good fortune will rub off on you. Are you sufficiently confident in your own worth to let an ally bask in the glory, even though you've played a part in creating that glory? If you are, your rewards will be substantial.
TAURUS(April 20May 20): Ready for a sweet revolution? At the very moment when the polarities are at the extremity of their opposition, they will mutate into a state of dynamic unity. The struggle between the light and dark will dissolve in the face of a rejuvenating catharsis, becoming more like a collaboration. There'll be a breathtaking cessation of the conflict between logic and intuition, civilization and nature, and masculine and feminine. The truce will not only be fascinating; it will also spawn a synergistic brainchild with enormous healing potential. The end of strife has rarely had such great potential for generating high adventure.
GEMINI(May 21June 20): We refer to the time between the fifth and 11th centuries as the Dark Ages, but in reality the chaotic, backward conditions were a localized phenomenon confined to Western Europe. Meanwhile, civilizations were flourishing in many other places, including China, the Byzantine Empire, Central Africa, and the Mayan and Arab worlds. In a similar way, Gemini, parts of your life may now be going through a Dark Age even as other parts are thriving. I beg you not to put undue emphasis on what's not working.
CANCER(June 21July 22): Bob Johnston is the music producer who worked with Bob Dylan on some of his brilliant breakthrough albums in the 1960s. "I believe in giving credit where credit's due," he testified in Martin Scorsese's movie about Dylan's life. "I don't think Dylan had a lot to do with it. Instead of touching him on the shoulder, I think God kicked him in the ass." I mention this, Cancerian, because I believe you're about to receive a few divine boots to the butt yourself. Are you ready, willing, and able to be moved and moved and moved?
LEO(July 23Aug. 22): This is a perfect astrological moment to take an inventory of your relationship with everything that nurtures you and keeps you alive. For instance, do you have a smart, balanced relationship with food? If not, what could you change about it? Do a similar analysis of the roles that other basic forms of sustenance play. Do you drink enough water? Should you learn the habit of breathing more deeply? Is there anything about the way you sleep that could be altered to enhance your overall vitality? Are you happy with how you obtain love and sex? Don't forget to think about your relationship with the substance that fuels so many of the good things you rely on: oil.
VIRGO(Aug. 23Sept. 22): Your assignment is to be as agile in your dealings with people as a circus contortionist is in the way she manipulates her body. In other words, bend over backward to promote harmony in your social circle and energize the ambience at work. Try to be all things to all people without turning into a phony suck-up. When someone's left hand doesn't know what his right hand is doing, gently correct the disconnect. What's in it for you? The unity you sow now will bring you unforeseeable benefits in 2006.
LIBRA(Sept. 23Oct. 22): In the 18th century, Horace Walpole coined the word serendipity after reading an old fairy tale entitled "The Three Princes of Serendip." The heroes of the story, he wrote, "were always making accidental discoveries of things they were not in quest of." Today serendipity has a broader meaning, but I'd like to invoke its original sense in order to provide a preview of what's ahead for you. I believe you're about to benefit from a lucky fluke or two. While looking for a certain treasure or revelation, you'll find a different one.
SCORPIO(Oct. 23Nov. 21):"Dear Rob: Thanks for your ongoing attempts to burn away negative stereotypes about us Scorpios. Here's more fuel for your fire: I'm not perfect, nor do I aspire to be. Perfection is a form of death. I'm grateful for my demons because in the worst of times they're my allies, and in the best of times they're the measure of my accomplishments. I don't seek truth, I seek reason. Truth is relative and found only by consensus, while reason is irreducible and adamantine. When in the presence of other people, I try to locate the soul essence I can't see with my eyes. It's good practice for my main hobby, which is to locate the soul essence in myself. If these habits make me obsessed, intense, and inscrutable, so be it. Scorpio to the Nth degree." Dear Scorpio: I'm publishing your letter because it's an ideal time for all Scorpios to meditate on your wild ideas.
SAGITTARIUS(Nov. 22Dec. 21): [Nov. 22Dec. 21] It's official. In part because of rising gas prices, consumers are now buying more bicycles than cars. Some observers are alarmed at this development, regarding it as a sign that our culture is being forced to regress to a more primitive state. Others celebrate the trend, seeing it as a big step forward. In their eyes, the loss of convenience and mobility is more than made up for by the gains that will ultimately accrue to our physical health and the environment. I foresee a similar theme about to unfold in your life, Sagittarius. A short-term loss will lead to a long-term gain.
CAPRICORN(Dec. 22Jan. 19): "The obscure we see eventually," said journalist Edward R. Murrow. "The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer." You have recently taken care of the obscure stuff, Capricorn. Through a blend of lucky accidents and your dogged intelligence, you got to the bottom of a stuffy old mystery and ripped away the veils that were hiding a crippled old truth. Now you're finally primed to notice an open secret that has been right in front of you for quite some time.
AQUARIUS(Jan. 20Feb. 18): On September 17, 1859, businessman Joshua Norton crowned himself emperor of the United States. He quickly issued an edict that dissolved the U.S. Congress, citing its fraud and corruption, and later abolished the Democratic and Republican parties. He created his own money to pay his debts and called for the creation of a League of Nations decades before that institution came into being. Though most people in power ignored him, he was a celebrated figure in his hometown of San Francisco, appreciated for his brazen deeds and humor. When he died after a 21-year reign, 30,000 people attended his funeral. I urge you to make Emperor Norton your role model in the coming weeks, Aquarius. May he inspire you to declare yourself protector and guide of a domain that desperately needs more of your leadership. May you rule with a velvet hand, not an iron hand, dispensing witty wisdom as you promote your vision of utopia.
PISCES(Feb. 19March 20): In my astrological opinion, you really need to kiss the mist on the grass at dawn. For your life to be a complete success, you should also gaze at the tops of trees regularly, make a wish as you spit into a pond where the moon is reflected, and arrange for the sun to shine on the back of your neck as you sing an improvised ballad about your future. And if you'd like to earn some extra credit with the deities, making it impossible for them to resist sending you a bolt of brilliant cosmic juju, I advise you to eat a cookie while imagining it's the body of your favorite god or goddess.
Homework Rob will perform in New York at 8 p.m. on Saturday, November 12, at the Chapel of Sacred Mirrors (cosm.org), located at 540 West 27th Street, fourth floor. The event celebrates his new book Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You With Blessings