By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
By Roy Edroso
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
By Zachary D. Roberts
Welcome to today's episode of Lifestyles of the Young and Fabulous. It's Sunday night, November 6, and everyone who's anyone in the downtown nightlife scene is gathered for the premiere ofPaper magazine's Nightlife Awards at the Maritime Hotel. In the crowd are the MisShapes, Richie Rich, Amy Sacco, Amanda Lepore, Ultragrrrl, KarenPlusOne, Larry Tee, Gilbert Stafford, Kenny Kenny, Steven Lewis, the Trinity, and the only bona fide star, Michael Stipe. But first, there is the matter of the phone call just before the ceremony.
Scene: The MisShapes' apartment, 6 p.m. Geo, a handsome, young, and fabulous man with jet-black hair and no eyes, answers his cell phone. Friends are getting ready, liberally abusing Mac makeup products.
Caller: "Hi, this is Richie Rich!" "And this is Amanda Lepore!" Together: "Fuck you!!" [Narrator: Trinity's Aimee Phillips, Heatherette publicist, who was present during the phone call, says that only Amanda was on the phone and no profanity was uttered. Richie didn't respond to e-mails.]
Geo hangs up in confusion. Then he realizes his friend Martin had used his cell phone the night before. Geo: "Martin!"
Martin admits to prank calling Amanda Lepore on Saturday night, leaving a message impersonating Richie Rich and telling Lepore that she wouldn't be modeling in the next Heatherette show.
Scene: At the ceremony. The MisShapes win the first award, Best Party. Geo thanks Zaldy, Gwen Stefani's right-hand man at L.A.M.B., and calls him "the best designer in the room," unintentionally slighting Heatherette's Richie Rich, who's nominated, as is Zaldy, in the category of Designer With Influence on the Night Life Scene. (Heatherette wins that one.) Richie Rich presents the Best New Gay Night award wearing roller skates: "And the winner is the Trinitythe originalMisShapes!"
Everyone gasps and boos, and Trinity's Phillips and Mack Dugan step up. Things lighten up during the Best New DJ category, presented by Fab 5 Freddy and Justine D. Reading the nomineesthe MisShapes, Ultragrrrl and KarenPlusOne, and HollertronixFreddy quips, "DJs sure have funny names these days." The award goes to Stefan Lockdown and Spencer Product. Stefan raises his fist and leans into the mic, joking, "I'd just like to thank everyone for giving us the MisShapes Award."
But even though everyone is talking about the Trinity-MisShapes "feud," it's really Ultragrrrl (a/k/a Sarah Lewitinn) and KarenPlusOne's night. They win three Bloated Babys, designed by Kid Robot:two People's Choice awards, for Best DJ and Best Party, plus Best Promoter.
Scene: Tommy Saleh and Sophia Lamar present Ultragrrrl the People's Choice Best DJ. She comes up, drink in hand: "I wanna dedicate this to the original two gay guys and possibly straight girl, the MisShapes!"
Afterward, Karen and Ultra juggle drinks and Bloated Babys. "I felt like every time I went up there, the old-school gays and club kids were like, Who the fuck is this girl?" says Ultra. I point out that Paper's readers would recognize the new kids if the magazine dedicated more space to them.
That concludes today's episode of Lifestyles of the Young and Fabulous. The MisShapes and Trinity say they love each other. There will be no gangsta East vs. West Coast shoot-outs, or girly, hair-pulling catfights. However, Geo calls Richie's behavior "tacky," and MisShape lady Leigh advises, "Richie needs to realize it's not the Club Kid era anymore. If you have a problem with someone, you can't just chop them up and throw them in a river." We end with more peaceful words from Aimee Phillips and MS Greg K. "I guess they're Hilary Duff and we're Lindsay Lohan," she says. Adds Greg, "The dancefloor is big enough for both." Stay tuned for next week's episode, when we learn if Geo actually has eyes.