WWRTD: Or, What Would Roger Toussaint Do?

Mr. Toussaint, how will you purchase your Christmas ham?

As we surveyed Park Slope residents as they piled into local businesses for some last-minute local Christmas shopping—rather than make that trek it into Manhattan—we couldn't help but wonder: What Would Roger Toussaint Do? The head of the Transit Workers Union can't run around town to do his holiday errands either.

1. Toussaint buys a Christmas ham.
Fresh Direct is still open for business, Mr. Toussaint, although they have attached a warning that deliveries will take longer with the strike. Suffice to say, when the Fresh Direct truck finally shows up with a Schaller & Weber party ham, you'll be tipping the hell out of the delivery guy.

2. Tracking down a Christmas gift basket.
Well, you certainly won't be purchasing one for the boss this year, will you, Mr. Toussaint? But slapped with a $1 million dollar a day fine and possible jail time, your fellow TWU brothers could use the "Help is on the Way" basket of cookies and candies from Dean & Deluca so much more. Of course, since it's impossible to get there, you'll just have to order off the internet: $135, plus an estimated $25 for shipping. But it comes with licorice piglets, we hear.

3. Toussaint shops the Times Square Toys R Us.
Every little girl wants Barbie for Christmas. The two-floor Barbie's Dollhouse at Toys R Us Times Square location has the finest selection of Barbie toys and accessories, but how will you get there? If you're in Jersey, you could hop on the PATH to 34th street and walk up to 42nd; from Brooklyn or Queens, hit the LIRR to Penn Station . . . We just wouldn't try to be a hero and cart back the Barbie Play & Store Dollhouse. Note: Neither that nor the Fisher Price Loving Family African American Twin Time Doll House with Exclusive Bonus Accessories is offered online. Just so you know.

4. No Xbox 360 for you, Mr. Toussaint.
As the Xbox 360 is basically impossible to find even on a normal day, Toussaint should abandon all shred of hope, now with the strike in place. Xboxes are for intelligent, wise folk who chose to get the hell out of New York before December 20, not the rest of us suckers, angling for that last-chance Christmas bonus.

5. Santa's lap? I think not, Mr. Toussaint.
No one aches for the warm comforts of Jolly Old St. Nick's lap this week more than TWU workers. But how does one even reach Santa, chilling out in the Herald Square Macy's with his David Sedaris-sized elves? The LIRR to 34th, the Metro North to Grand Central: No far is too far to ask Santa for a big sweet pension plan.

 
My Voice Nation Help
0 comments
 
New York Concert Tickets
Loading...