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But how upset can someone be if he let Clay-for-play plow him without a condom for, like, an hour? "I take responsibility," admitted Paulus (who six years ago slept with another superstar, but won't name him—he was nice). "But sometimes you get caught up with the celebrity thing and you don't think properly." Now he's less starstruck, especially since he says Clay's post-orgasm behavior involved barking "Go grab me a fucking cloth to wash this off"and splitting, sans niceties. "I felt like some cheap whore," said Paulus. "It would have been worse if he had left $100 on the nightstand. And there he was two hours later online meeting people!" (Paulus must have been back on there looking for another friendship.)

The weird upshot of all this is that Clay's fans are way angrier at Paulus for spilling the jizz than they are at their idol for being endlessly evasive (though Page Six reported that a few do want to sue the singer). "When someone destroys their fantasy," Paulus told me, "they lash out at that person, not the one they adore. His Christian fans tell me this is nothing but an organized gay tactic to undermine a Christian guy. But I'm Christian. You can't be gay and Christian now?" Sure you can—remember that Google search?—and you can be a porn star too; Paulus is now working for gay-adult-film titan MICHAEL LUCAS, who'll leave money on his nightstand. He's also on the club rounds; I saw him at, yep, Happy Valley, where he was deep in talk with CARSON KRESSLEY. ("Nothing dirty," Carson assured me afterward, "but when I took down his number, I accidentally erased BETTY BUCKLEY's!")

Cupid, Bartsch, Kenny: Multisexual Brigadoon
photo: Miles Ladin
Cupid, Bartsch, Kenny: Multisexual Brigadoon


Boldface lips touch in PATRICK MCMULLAN's Kiss Kiss photo book, but at his party at Pre/Post, I came closer to more intimate parts. Smack in the middle of the buffet table were two barely clad gals and a guy, a hired tableau that prompted McMullan associate SAM BOLTON to note, "The pussy is freshly shaved, and so is the parmesan!" In another corner, ROCCO DISPIRITO's ex-drag friend VICTORIA HILTON started a mini fire with an errant napkin (talk about flaming queen) and John Paulus turned up, presumably to scope out the cheese assortment and wash it down.

In more legit romantic- comedy news, the Broadway revival of NEIL SIMON's Barefoot in the Park reminded me that this is pretty much the same play as Simon's The Odd Couple: Two opposites move in and have a house party with a couple of other kooks, after which they bitterly fight and try to make up. It's also a little like Rabbit Hole in that the nutty but wise mom—JILL CLAYBURGH here, TYNE DALY in Hole—walks off with the show, shoes or not. The rest of the production can't camouflage the play's dated qualities, but it doesn't deserve the angry All That Chat post "SCOTT ELLIOTT Murders Neil Simon!"

But back to American idylls: Remember the Grammys, when KELLY CLARKSON thanked her date, saying she was "my first producer in my closet back home when I was a kid?" Well, JACKIE CLARKE of Free FM's Jake and Jackie Show says, "Kelly, if you're gonna mention date, don't mention closet in the same breath." You too, Clay Aiken.


I recently quoted drag diva LADY BUNNY's immortal joke: "How does CLAY AIKEN remove a condom? He farts!" Well, now it's become apparent that Bunny's going to have to rewrite it—a lot—because according to JOHN PAULUS, Clay's a top and besides, he doesn't USE condoms! (Don't you hate when messy behavior interferes with classic humor?) Please send your suggestions for a more realistic replacement joke.


Stop everything. Sadly enough, I just heard that Hairspray's Tony winning score collaborators and longtime boyfriends MARC SHAIMAN and SCOTT WITTMAN are splitsville as a couple. But they're still working together on the musical of Catch Me if You Can. You can't stop the beat!


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