By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
Step right up and get some short, digestible bites for the A.D.D. gener . . . gener . . . ah, never mind. First of all, inquiring minds are still clogged with delightful detritus from that most boring of all Oscars telecasts, enlivened only by that immortal "pimp song." Like, remember when GEORGE CLOONEY boasted about how the Hollywood community was the first bunch of people to talk about AIDS? That's funny; as I just told Poz magazine, the first Hollywood AIDS movie didn't even happen until 1993, more than a decade into the crisis! (Though LIZ TAYLOR at least tried to stir up some interest only four years into it.) And how about that perky cure-all, REESE WITHERSPOON? She's an utter doll, but one reader points out, "I'm so sick of her 'li'l old me from Tennessee' act. Her family is loaded. She's hardly a sharecropper!"
Moving on to tinier telecasts time's a wastin'I've written about how Q Television Network recently screwed over scads of workers and owes a shitload of gay money all around. Well, as one of the people they fucked without a condom-yes, I'm now a sharecropperI just got a communiqué from the "gay premium channel" that was evasive yet rather hopeful. It said, "We are in receipt of your invoices. Unfortunately do [sic] to the fact that the QTN is in a reorganization mode until further notice, no payables are being released across the board. Please check back within a few weeks." I'll due that, girlfriend. In the meantime, that reorganization involves founder FRANK OLSEN and the old board of directors biting the gay dust as a brave person named LLOYD FAN(who was the interim president) takes over this mess by the balls. Will he handle past debts in a timely and sensitive matter? He'd better! If not, the shit will surely hit the Fan.
Rosie the riveting
But please stay seated as I drop my grudges, lift my pants, and move on to a more promising area of filmed entertainment. ROSIE PEREZ called from the Sunshine State, where her documentary Yo Soy Boriqua Pa' Que Tu Lo Sepa (a/k/a I'm Boricua, For Your Information) was sizzling up the Miami International Film Festival. "It's fucking hot down here," she said, laughing. "I don't do well in heat. I know I'm Puerto Rican. But I get all sun blotchy and I get that melasma thing. You should see me walking around with a big old-lady hat!" She's gorgeous, for your information.
The film, which explores relations both good and bad between the U.S. and P.R. over the last couple of decades, is the culmination of two strenuous years of work. ("I tried real hard!" she said, pleadingly. "I busted my ass!") Is it a MICHAEL MOORE, in-your-blotchy-face kind of agit-doc? "Oh, my God, no," Rosie told me. "This is a lot more objective, I would say. I hired JIMMY SMITS to narrate it. I thought, 'I can't be all over the damned thing!' "
The resultwhich will pop up on IFC in Juneseems to be tapping into the boriqua in all of us. "I didn't realize that audiences would get so emotional," Rosie said. "They're clapping, crying, and some are getting angry. I was like, 'Wow.' I guess that's what you'd hope for, not people walking away and saying, 'That was cute.' That would be the worst." Yeah, but it's still way preferable to neat or, worse, interesting.
I'm a theater queen, for your informationyes, let's keep movingso I was first in line with my tongue out for the opening night of the musical version of Grey Gardens, the '70s cult documentary about mother-and-daughter bluebloods who fell into cobwebby disrepute complete with all manner of snoods, raccoons, and melasma. The show is bold and weird and unmissable, with priceless moments like Dad snarling, "If she were the whole horse instead of just the ass, I'd shoot her" as CHRISTINE EBERSOLE's character croons a gleefully racist ditty. Another highlight has little LEE RADZIWILLsaying, "I might grow up and marry a prince" (well, supposedly she did marry a queen) and even more poignantly, it'll be hard to ever shake the love song to corn.
At intermission, lyricist MICHAEL KORIE told me the creative team only committed to the project once they landed on the idea of setting Act One in '41 and Act Two in '73. Isn't that very Barefoot in the Park With George or whatever? Yes, SONDHEIM was an influence, he said, "and we were also talking about The Hours"meaning the time-spanning trilogy of unhappy women. We agreed that would make a good musical, and Korie crowed, "Christine Ebersole could play all the roles!"
Also gung ho for Ebersole was Queer as Folk's PETER PAIGE, who's working with her on the WB show Related. Paige told me Ebersole recently confessed to him, "I just want to be a gay icon." "I said, 'You are,' " he revealed, "and she said, 'Not big enough!' Well, I think she's thoroughly cemented her iconic status in the gayosphere!" Honey, she isthe gayosphere.