NY Mirror

Drive, he said

I saw one more documentary—Who Killed the Electric Car?—and was relieved to find it doesn't have LARRY THE CABLE GUY as the voice of the tow truck. The movie is CHRIS PAINE's earnest look at the eco-friendly EV1 and how corporate greed made it more obsolete than edible panties. "You made me cry over a car!" said a woman, punching Paine's shoulder after the movie showed at Sundance.

Perfectly enough,MICHAEL MOORE agreed to host the special screening at Sony last week, noting, "I guess they figured I know something about General Motors." While he was there, I wanted to know more about Sicko, Moore's upcoming documentary about the horrors of H&M, I mean HMOs. It's not that easy to categorize, it turns out. "I've had problems in describing every one of my films," Moore told me. "With Roger & Me, what could you say? It's a film about a dying auto town? 'Gee, can't wait to see that on a Friday night!' And Bowling for Columbine—is it about guns or something else? This film [Sicko] is about health insurance companies and pharmaceuticals, but it'll be something other than that too. It's a comedy about 45 million people who don't have health insurance!" Or maybe about the ones that do but forgot to get a referral.

A comedy about 45 million presenters without a host, the Tony Awards brought out a dizzying array of thespians, lesbians, and drama queens, all singing, "I don't want to show off no more" while turning emotional cartwheels. My chronological thoughts, while sitting in the media room:

8 p.m. Show People magazine is bye-bye, the Promenade is supposedly being turned into a Sephora mall, and this telecast might get lower ratings than public access, but I'm sticking with the theater. It's in my blood, darlings. 8:07 The mother in Well is basically Woman in Chair. She's fine, but it's obviously going to be the Brits' big night. History Boys' regal FRANCES DE LA TOUR beats her and backstage reveals that her castmates cutely call her J.Lo. It's dry irony like that that's making it the Brits' night.

8:39 Wait, hold on to your Playbills. It's shaping up as the Canadians' night. I can deal; these Canucks are way more nutty and fun than CÉLINE DION and shouldn't be deported just yet. 9:29 The multi-sexy Threepenny Opera scene could even turn that fake Stonewall guy gay. By the way, CYNDI LAUPER told the syndicated Radio With a Twist (heard on WPLJ) that Lourdes Ciccone came backstage to visit daddyCARLOS LEON recently, but she's not allowed to see the show. Because it's so racy, not because it's so misguided.

9:45 Trophy-nabbing Jersey boy CHRISTIAN HOFF is sobbing onstage. So much for "Big Girls Don't Cry." He explains in the press room, "I had a rocky divorce with my first wife." We could probably all use a nice pint of "Sherry" right now. 9:51 The best 60 seconds of the whole night is the commercial for Dreamgirls! I'm gagging! 9:58 CYNTHIA NIXON kisses her girlfriend. Yay! She didn't put her in a rabbit hole! 10:45 Like that other Jersey boy, JOHN LLOYD YOUNG is tearing up while talking about his parents' journey. With all this touching talk of disease, divorce, and struggle, these aren't speeches, they're psychotherapy sessions. You can thank OPRAH. Who has turned into KATHLEEN TURNER, by the way.

10:49 LACHANZE has her own personal pain—her husband died on 9-11. She'll be flooded with congrats on the award, plus one pasty blonde calling her "a witch and a harpie." 10:58 The hoity-toity choices gave way to the feel-good winners. (Pajama Game over Sweeney Todd? Excuse me?) But this has definitely been the gays' big night. Gay History Boys, gay JOHN DOYLE, gay Man in Chair, gay Cynthia Nixon, gay BOY GEORGE impersonator, gay LISA KRON, gay Miss Celie, gay puppet. No, hold on. Jersey Boys wins Best Musical. A show about straight people. But they sing falsetto.


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