By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
ARIES(March 21April 19): "The honest man must be a perpetual renegade," said French essayist Charles Péguy. The honest woman must be one too, I would add. While that's always a good rule to keep in mind, it will be especially apropos for you in the coming weeks, Aries. If you hope to remain true to yourself and in alignment with your highest integrity, you will have to maintain a rebellious vigilance. By the way, that does not mean you should constantly be agitated, fuming, and off-kilter. On the contrary, the healthiest insurrectionary fervor you can muster will be full of exuberance and joie de vivre.
TAURUS(April 20May 20):"One morning I came upon a small demonstration on a street corner," wrote Sparrow in The Sun. "Several men were holding signs that said BRING BACK DUSK, and shouting, 'Dusk! Give us dusk!' 'But dusk will come again this evening,' I pointed out to one of them. 'We don't care,' he replied, with a wild look. 'We want it now!' " If and when you become impatient in the coming week, Taurus, remember Sparrow's story. Progress will proceed at its own pace, not yours. The peaches will ripen when they are ready, not necessarily when you are.
GEMINI(May 21June 20):In their article "Most Popular Myths in Science" (tinyurl.com/h2mya), editors at livescience.com analyzed ideas that are dear to conventional wisdom. They debunked the notions that lightning never strikes twice in the same place, that humans only use 10 percent of their brains, and that it's safe to eat food that has been on the floor for less than five seconds. But they affirmed certain other "myths." A falling cat does pretty much always land on its feet, they found. Yawning is indeed contagious. Eating two poppy seed bagels can produce a positive result for opiates on a drug test. I bring this up, Gemini, as a prod to get you to take inventory of your own opinions, assumptions, and story lines. This is a perfect moment not just to question your beliefs, but to give them the third degree.
CANCER(June 21July 22): The dreams you have in the coming nights may be disturbing. Eagles may be dive-bombing warm and fuzzy little sheep. Lions may be pouncing on gentle deer, and big bullies may be stealing the lunch money of cute little kids on the playground. You should not, however, view these dreams as bad omens. If you respond to them correctly, they will not turn out to be prophecies about literal developments in your waking life. And what is the correct response? Toughen up the part of you whose feelings are too easily hurt. Strengthen the protection that surrounds your vulnerabilities. Stand up for yourself with a courage that is graceful, not macho.
LEO(July 23Aug. 22):Travel writer Bruce Chatwin walked around Australia as he researched and meditated on the indigenous people's beliefs about what the land was like in the ancient past. He wrote: "Aboriginal creation myths tell of the legendary totemic beings who wandered over the continent in the Dreamtime, singing out the name of everything that crossed their pathbirds, animals, plants, rocks, waterholesand so singing the world into existence." Given the fact that you're now primed to create a new domain or two, Leo, may I suggest the aborigines' approach? You'll infuse everything with extra beauty if you play around with singing it into existence.
VIRGO(Aug. 23Sept. 22): Once upon a time, you asked a certain someone for a blessing. Instead, he or she blasted you with a curse. The debilitating blow of that bad magic hit you right smack in the place that was ripe for the blessing you requested. What a tragedy! Now, at last, you're wise and strong enough to defeat the power of that old curse. Here's the first step: Understand that the seed of the blessing you once needed (and still need) is hidden within and obscured by the curse. Figure out what that blessing is, and it will reveal to you what to do next. (PS: The French word for "wound" is blessure. It suggests that blessing can come from wounding.)
LIBRA(Sept. 23Oct. 22): I foresee the possibility of a Jerry Springer kind of week ahead for some of you Libras. You might seek romantic relationships with incarcerated criminals, or embark on a diet that requires you to eat three pints of ice cream per day, or try to take out your frustrations by spitting in the faces of unhinged teenage boys in moshpits at punk concerts. On the other hand, there is also the possibility that many of you Libras will be pursuing unusual departures from the routine that would be more appreciated by the Dalai Lama than Jerry Springer. For instance, you might teach your skills to a class in a penitentiary, or go on a juice fast to purify yourself in preparation for a confrontation with abusive authorities, or express your righteous indignation at injustice by volunteering at a battered-women's shelter. Whether you go more in the direction of Jerry Springer or the Dalai Lama will all depend on how craftily you wield your free will.
SCORPIO(Oct. 23Nov. 21): Many people regard Evangeline Lilly, star of TV's Lost, as an exceptionally attractive woman. When she was younger, that was a problem for her. "I spent many nights crying myself to sleep," she has said, "wishing I was ugly because of the way men leered at and disrespected me." In my studies of human nature, I've found that most of us, like Lilly, have had a tormented relationship with our most extravagant assets. Fortunately for you, Scorpio, you now have an enhanced capacity to be at peace with and thoroughly enjoy the potent effects your beauty and power have on the world.
SAGITTARIUS(Nov. 22Dec. 21): Philosopher Robert Anton Wilson wrote an article called "How to Live Eleven Days in 24 Hours." I'm borrowing the title to serve as your theme in the coming days. Your instinct for smart risks is finely tuned, and your ability to cram adroit intensity into every one of your experiences is highso much so that you could probably harvest 11 days' worth of sexy lessons in several different 24-hour periods just ahead.
CAPRICORN(Dec. 22Jan. 19):"Hundreds of articles in medical journals claiming to be written by academics or doctors have been penned by ghostwriters in the pay of drug companies," according to The Observer (snipurl.com/nqso). Is this one more sign of corruption in the pharmaceutical industry? Yes. And further evidence that you should be very skeptical of all authorities everywhere? Sure. But it's also a metaphor that could prove useful to keep in mind as you navigate your way through the riddles you'll soon encounter. Be alert for the possibility that what you see is not what you're actually getting. There may be manipulative powers behind the throne . . . stand-ins pretending to be the real thing . . . mouthpieces that hide the true source of their message.
AQUARIUS(Jan. 20Feb. 18):This week should be pretty crunchalicious, Aquarius. You know, crisp and delectable, chewy and pleasing to your inner four-year-oldlike a breakfast cereal with three different sweet tastes packed into puff balls that softly explode in your mouth. The only potential problem is that you could keep wolfing down the treats without any regard for how the experience might make you feel later. I suggest that you enjoy the feast slowly, pausing every now and then to monitor whether you're close to being excessively stimulated or satiated.
PISCES(Feb. 19March 20): Some observers have expressed derisive opinions about Guy Boos, a Wisconsin man who hurled his washing machine down a flight of stairs and pumped it full of bullets with his .25-caliber gun. I, on the other hand, admire those who take out their frustration and rage on inanimate objects rather than on animals or other human beings. That's why I advise you to consider Boos's methodology if you find yourself on the verge of boiling over, Pisces. Don't repress your negative feelings, but find a way to express them that doesn't cost you anything more than a little money.
Homework Find a new person or institution you can fiercely respect. Report on your triumph at freewillastrology.com.