Keeping Married Sex Hot

Reddened cheeks, damp panties, and bedroom bliss

She urges couples to create an erotic space where they can come to each other solely as lovers. Send flirty e-mails during the day, dress up and meet your spouse for a lunchtime date, use some of the seduction tools you may have let fall by the wayside. Try to see them not only as the safe, solid, welcoming partners they are, but also as people capable of exploring sex alongside you. For Jay Andrew Allen, who married his second wife after they'd had five kids together, exploration and honesty are key. "If you have kinks or needs that are dear to your heart, say so. Don't wait for your partner to validate you. You'll be miserable if you remain silent out of fear; I did this for years with my bisexuality and introduced a lot of grief into my marriage as a result," says Allen. Block concluded that her husband couldn't be her sole source of sexual pleasure and lobbied for polyamory. "I get different things from different people," she explains. "Young lovers for the goddess me. Sadist lovers for the masochist me. Female lovers for the Sapphic me. Sexual fulfillment is still on the menu, but now it means ordering from different restaurants."

Psychotherapist Esther Perel
photo: Courtesy of Harpercollins
Psychotherapist Esther Perel

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