By Chaz Kangas
By Katherine Turman
By Phillip Mlynar
By Harley Oliver Brown
By Abdullah "T Kid" Saeed
By Matt Caputo
By Devon Maloney
By Chris Chafin
Album: The Broadway Album, 1985
Song: "I Have Dreamed/We Kiss in a Shadow/Something Wonderful"
Alternate Title: "I Have Dreamed of a Ménage à Trois with Pazuzu and Bette Midler/We Kiss in the Shadow of the Valley of Death/Something Wonderful Like the Taste of Chernobog's Dingleberry")
Streisand enjoyed tremendous success in the mid and late '70s with the sentimental geyser of "The Way We Were" and slew of platinum records that hosted some of her most blockbusting hits, including "Memories." But the return to stage music on Broadwaywas particularly sadistic, with track after track of thinly veiled allusions to her long and profitable Mephistophelian service. It's nearly possible to make out the distant hoofs of apocalyptic horsemen on her version of "Something's Coming." Her version of "Send in the Clowns" and audacious selections from Porgy and Bessmight convince listeners that they have already arrived.
Album:A Love Like Ours, 1999
Song: "The Music That Makes Me Dance"
Alternate Title: "Lord O Yama Plays the Music That Makes Me Dance")
Though often misinterpreted as a dedication to her second husband, the actor James Brolin (known for his '60s television character acting in V oyage to the Bottom of the Sea and Batman), Streisand's sappy liner notes and photos with her new earthly husband can hardly obscure the fact that this collection is actually unhallowed love songs to the Son of Morning. She closes with "The Music That Makes Me Dance," singing, "In ev'ry way/Ev'ry day/I need less of myself and need more him/More him/'Cause his is the only music that makes me dance." Certainly the Father of Lies and Deceit would say the same of her.
Barbra Streisand plays Madison Square Garden Monday night. If you don't have a ticket right this instant don't even bother unless you're willing to sell youroh, fuck it.