Music

What you need to know this week to avoid ostracism

( Emerging Artistic Icon)
The triumphant return of "Weird Al" Yankovic.
A comeback more spiritually and culturally vital than those of Bob Dylan, Janet Jackson, and the Democratic Party combined.

(Suspicious Collaboration)
Danger Mouse and Harvey Danger team up for zany, hilarious new project to be titled "Danger Danger."
With the album title Incredibly Fucking Overrated.

(This Song Will Change Your Life)
The simultaneous excellence and unintentional comedy of the Killers' "When You Were Young."
You've lived a full, passionate life if you ever want anything or anyone as badly as this song wants to be "Born to Run."

(Ill-advised Venue Quirk)
The ridiculously overzealous smoke machine at Brooklyn's Studio B.
It's a nightclub, not a Midwestern haunted house.

(Office Politics)
Convincing a co-worker to demonstrate the "Chicken Noodle Soup" dance in the middle of the newsroom.
A full day's work where we come from.

(Transcendent Concert Experience)
The wayward chump at Jamie Lidell's Irving Plaza show who approached two dancing ladies, jerked spastically alongside them to their obvious dismay for 10 minutes or so, suavely handed them a business card, and ran away.
Unless you're a pepper-spray salesman I'm afraid you're out of luck.

(Sporting Trifle)
Naming your fantasy football team after a Kate Bush song.
Let's go, Them Heavy People.

 
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