By Steve Weinstein
By Bryan Bierman
By Lindsey Rhoades
By Chaz Kangas
By Ben Westhoff and Sarah Purkrabek
By Jena Ardell
By Jesse Sendejas Jr.
By Katherine Turman
Ladies and gentlemen, the Twisted Sister Christmas album.
Marquee item at your office Ironic Douchebag Secret Santa Gift Exchange. Note the Lita Ford duet.
Album of the Year This Week
The absurdist, righteous majesty of Meat Loaf's Bat Out of Hell III: The Monster Is Loose.
You run off and bring what you think is a better album back here, and we'll scoff at your foolishness and punch you in the face. Note the duet with a random teenager on metalled-up Céline Dion hit "It's All Coming Back to Me Now."
Alarming Anxiety Indictor
Threatening to beat people up for disagreeing with you about the new Meat Loaf album.
Time to lay off the Mountain Dew.
Idolator's totally random shout-out to Babe the Blue Ox.
Cry For Help
Devendra Banhart's psychotic guest blog on janemag.com.
With witty, sensual come-ons like "I also sang 'The Star-Spangled Banner' to a carrot cake" and "pppuuummmpppkkiiinnn, it is a lovely word," he's gonna wind up defiling new colleague Sarah the 29-year-old blogging virgin. Their children will be unable to speak.
Legitimate concern that a Mets-Yankees World Series would have inspired Sufjan Stevens to write a full-orchestra triple-album entitled Lo! The Steroid-Addled Beasts Clash in the Friscalating Dusklight! or some crap.