Stuff You Need to Know About to Avoid Ostracism

ERRANT BODY LANGUAGE
John Cougar Mellencamp's habit of lifting his acoustic guitar over his head mid-strum to indicate enthusiasm and virility.Not working.

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THIS SONG WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE
Incidentally, if we hear that terrible "Our Country" song/commercial once more we're moving to North Korea. It's enough to scare you off televised sports forever.

ALBUM OF THE YEAR THIS WEEK
John Legend's sadly toothless r&b-lite jamz onOnce Again. Like awkward, tepid, deeply unsatisfying sex in a Starbucks bathroom.

ENDLESS DEBACLE
Another lousy-ass flop of a Janet Jackson record.
Go back and listen to the nigh-unstoppable Control (1986) for context on what a fucking travesty this is.

ILL-ADVISED PUBLIC BEHAVIOR
Jared Leto now roughing up music bloggers for some reason. It's a VH1 show come to life.

PR OVERKILL
The Killers deign to insult puppies, apple pie, premarital sex, the Constitution, and their own mothers in desperate plea for attention.
Shaddap already.

WHITE GUILT
Eating a $20 plate of fried chicken at S.O.B.'s while watching a heartbreaking documentary about the plight of the quite literally named Sierra Leone Refugee All-Stars.
You get to feeling like they named the venue just for you.