By Keegan Hamilton
By Albert Samaha
By Village Voice staff
By Tessa Stuart
By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
ARIES(March 21April 19): When George W. Bush replaced Bill Clinton as U.S. president, Bush's adviser Karl Rove decided to take extraordinary measures in cleansing the White House of the previous occupants' energy. Rove was especially obsessed with banishing the "evil spirits" in Hillary Clinton's office, which is why he summoned three Catholic priests to perform an exorcism. I urge you to do something equally vivid in order to purge the lingering vibes of people and things that you know are no good for you, Aries. Remember, though, that this has nothing to do with perpetrating revenge or harm. It's all about cleansing and reprogramming those parts of you that are still emotionally entangled with the bad influences.
TAURUS(April 20May 20): Early in his film career, actor Oliver Hardy often played the parts of bad guys. But when he joined with Stan Laurel to collaborate on their series of comedic movies, he became a likable buffoon. I predict you'll soon be the beneficiary of a comparable conversion, Taurus. Some troubling or adversarial influence in your life will become warmer and fuzzier, maybe even downright helpful and amusing. The psychological term for a conversion this dramatic is enantiodromia. It refers to the process whereby something changes into its opposite. It won't be as freakish as it might initially appear. The unexpected transformation will be the result of an organic process.
GEMINI(May 21June 20): My colleague Ro Loughran (yoursouljourney.com) has an interesting theory about astrology. She starts with the hypothesis that some version of reincarnation is true. Then she proposes that in each lifetime, a soul chooses a particular astrological sign because the qualities of that sign are what the soul wants to learn about. In other words, being born a Gemini doesn't mean you're automatically a wizard at being a Gemini. On the contrary, in this lifetime you've become a Gemini in order to master the art of being one. You're here to get the hang of what it's like to be smart and versatile and precise and witty. Your assignment is to keep yourself endlessly entertained and to build a strong center of gravity as you juggle a variety of activities and ideas and friends. This week is a perfect time to meditate on how lucky you are to have been given this gift, and to recommit yourself to using it to the fullest.
CANCER(June 21July 22): If you're ever going to be hired to model underwear or get invited by a magazine to expound on your lovemaking secrets, it will happen soon. If you ever thought it might be fun to see what might happen if you tried to hypnotize someone with your animal magnetism or seduce someone with your telepathic magic, give it a go now. If you've been waiting for the perfect moment to gather rosary beads, the Torah, a Buddhist prayer wheel, a five-pointed silver star, and a statue of the Hindu goddess Shakti, and then unleash a sexy prayer for your supreme dream in the direction of every deity that might listen, this would be a good time.
LEO(July 23Aug. 22): The time is right to send out a big "Hey!" and "Thank you!" to all the little voices in your head. Start with the still, small voice that's always ready to provide concise responses to the ingenious questions you come up with. But please also acknowledge every one of the other little voices as welleven the crabby, reactive naysayer that's forever on the lookout for insults to your dignity, however tiny or unintentional; even the worrywart that wakes you up in the middle of the night to pester you with doubts and fears. Love all the little voices in your head, Leo. Celebrate their vitality, their persistence, their attentiveness. You're lucky to have such a zealous group of advisers, even if all but one of them are off the mark a lot of the time.
VIRGO(Aug. 23Sept. 22):Sometimes, Virgo, you're too damn smart for your own good. You may describe a problem so brilliantly, for instance, that you think you've solved it merely by talking about it and never get around to actually fixing it. On other occasions your fine mind runs amok in an orgy of razor-sharp analysis, cutting things apart in order to understand them but not putting them back together again. I beg you not to indulge in these excesses during the coming week. Your intelligence will be soaring beyond even its usual exceptional levels, and it would be a shame for you not to capitalize on it momentously.
LIBRA(Sept. 23Oct. 22): "Dear Rob: Most of the Librans I know, including me, are adept at creating opportunities and generating energy out of humbling experiences, which they seem to have plenty of. But is it too much to ask that we might someday come into contact with bright new possibilities that emerge from empowering experiences? Just wondering. Overly Patient Libra." Dear Overly Patient: Funny you should bring this up. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you're due to receive an unexpected gift that will prime your ambitions. To encourage its arrival, I suggest you ask clearly and playfully for a boisterous inspiration that will fuel your lusty courage.
SCORPIO(Oct. 23Nov. 21): "Talent hits a target no one else can hit," said German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer. "Genius hits a target no one else can see." That could and should apply to you, Scorpio, at least during the month of November. I believe that you have a heightened ability to access special talents that have been partially dormant up till now. If you summon the gall to be almost crazily confident, you'll soon be scoring bull's-eyes on targets that no one else can see, let alone hit.
SAGITTARIUS(Nov. 22Dec. 21): Your soul's epic journey is in the midst of a plot twist that's so complicated and beautiful, it would be impossible to exhaust our discussion about its meaning. But I have to start somewhere, so here goes. Among the many opportunities you now have, these are some of the most spectacular: (1) the possibility of making your existing problems more interesting than they've ever been, (2) the possibility of attracting fresh challenges that are more stimulating and useful than your same old predictable dilemmas.
CAPRICORN(Dec. 22Jan. 19): Climbing Mount Everest bored the renowned mountaineer Alex Lowe, even when he did it solo without any supplemental oxygen. "Everest held none of the riddles he delighted in solving on remote walls and unnamed ice smears," wrote Outside magazine. "He preferred places that offered 'serious consequences' and little in the way of record-book glory." One of Lowe's colleagues added, "It was astonishing what Alex was able to do. And do alone, without bragging." Lowe himself once said, "The best climber is the one who has the most fun." I recommend his attitude for you right now, Capricorn. Go after the accomplishments that make your heart sing rather than those that make your ego swell.
AQUARIUS(Jan. 20Feb. 18): In 1945, violinist Yehudi Menuhin and pianist Benjamin Britten played their music for the recently freed inmates of the Belsen concentration camp in Germany. I urge you to make them your role models in the coming week. Give a generous sampling of your finest talents to those less fortunate than you or to someone who has just escaped a harrowing ordeal. Aside from the blessing that this will bestow on the recipient, it will also set in motion beneficial developments in your own life.
PISCES(Feb. 19March 20): Everyone has about 1,500 dreams a year. Of those, maybe 1,420 are confusing and indecipherable and can't be mined for valuable revelations about the inner workings of your psyche by even the most skilled dream interpreter. That leaves 80 intensely useful letters to your conscious self from your deep unconscious. Any one of them could break you out of self-defeating patterns and transform your life forever. This week there's an especially high likelihood that your nightly adventures will be beautiful teachings that are coherent enough to recall. What do you plan to do about it?
Homework Which of your dead ancestors would you most like to talk to? Imagine conversations with them. Describe them by going to realastrology.com. and clicking on "Email Rob."