By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
By Roy Edroso
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
By Zachary D. Roberts
Can he understand why the Wedekind play was so vehemently banned for years? "If you have circle jerks and boys masturbating in the bathroom to postcards of Delacroix," said Sheik, "then yes. A lot of it is intense and hard to swallownot to mention it's extremely critical of the clergy, teachers, and parents who don't communicate any meaningful information about sexuality to kids."
Is today's Broadway ready for singing, shtupping teens? "Most of the people who saw it at the Atlantic Theater Company," he said, "were able to get behind the show. Very few were freaked out by it." (By the way, I'm uncharacteristically avoiding any cheap comments on phrases like "hard to swallow" and "get behind." It's called class, fuckers.)
But wouldn't this kind of show do even better under a totally repressive Republican regime? "Yeah, I wish the Democrats hadn't won," Sheik replied, laughing, "because then we would have really been able to say something!" Pause. "No, I'm still happy they won."
Is he afraid of the big-time legit stage? "Rock people like PAUL SIMON have said, 'I'm going to show my way on Broadway,' " he responded, "and they say, 'We'll see you later.' That's been avoided here. The collaboration [with director MICHAEL MAYER, lyricist STEVEN SATER, etc.] has been so great." So Spring Awakening will be better than the Dylan show? "Don't get me started."
And finally, why not just do a Duncan Sheik jukebox musical called Barely Breathing (his hypnotic '96 pop hit)? "That is a truly terrible idea," he said, cringing. "I'm going to stick to working with classic pieces of literature." And I'm going to hold him to that. Anything else might be hard to swallow.
Meanwhile, there are some real young people doing actual sexual things in public and it's got to stop . . . messing with my deadlines, that is. The invite for Dirty Boy Tuesdays at China One sounded almost as promising as Spring Awakening's: Dirtyboyvideo.com is looking for tomorrow's big star. Show us your cheap tricks for a chance to win big cash!" Alas, there were no abortions or suicides, but there were volunteers licking whipped cream off a go-go boy for dollars while the lickee's exposed penis went all the way to 70 percent hard. After the can was spent, emcee SHERRY VINE promised the crowd, "In 30 minutes, someone will fuck a watermelon!" God, the Dems winning had a really quick effect, no?
In similar news, I noticed an appealing new watermelon, I mean 17-year-old go-go dancer, at Hiro ballroom's Cuckoo Club party. "The other night, he fucked AMANDA LEPORE all night long," murmured an insider. That does itI'm getting a pussy.
Or maybe I'll be getting some pussy. You see, over at a cable station the other day, the president of the Church of Scientology in New York cornered me as my pulse raced and palms sweated up. He urged me to get together with him so I can elevate my shtick by learning how Scientology actually helps people. "Call me!" he pleaded before I went on the air. Nah, I'll stay gay for now.