By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
By Raillan Brooks
CAPRICORN(Dec. 22Jan. 19): A Detroit woman became so crushed by despair that she decided to kill herself. Her husband and mother had died within one month, and she felt she couldn't go on. Retreating to a bathroom with the intention of plunging a knife into her heart, she was diverted from her plan by a vision shimmering in the toilet bowl. There in the water she saw an image of Saint Padre Pio, who spoke to her. "Ending it all will cause more problems than it will solve," he said. "Let God's love help you through this ordeal." Farbinger's suicidal urges instantly departed, and she returned to her life with a renewed sense of purpose. I don't believe you're in anywhere near as bad a shape as she was, Capricorn, but I suspect there will be at least one similarity between her story and yours: You'll find redemption where once there was crap.
AQUARIUS(Jan. 20Feb. 18):One of my relatives who was born under the sign of Aquarius once locked herself in her art studio for six months and painted 20 giant canvases all with the same theme: hurricanes extinguishing forest fires. Then she went through a phase when she specialized in painting punk angels with tattered wings swooping down to give birthday cakes and balloons to bums in junkyards. After that she emerged fully into the world again and lived her life in a way that resembled the paintings she'd been doing. She acted like a metaphorical hurricane as she put out metaphorical forest fires, and she went around helping the underprivileged while styling herself in the persona of a punk angel. She's your role model for the coming weeks, Aquarius. It will be a great time to translate your eccentric dreams and private fantasies into practical actions.
PISCES(Feb. 19March 20): If you're a man, your penis just might grow bigger in the coming weeks. If you're a woman, your ability to experience profound and poetic emotions will deepen. No matter what gender you are, your capacity for orgasmic pleasure could increase. And this is just a fraction of the advances that are potentially in the offing for your tribe. Buoyant cosmic energies are surging within you, enhancing everything related to your joy and vitality and confidence. It's as if your animal intelligence is getting a boost from a divine form of lust; as if you're tapping in to a source of high-octane energy that originates in God's libido.
Homework I dare you to beam unconditional acceptance at a part of yourself that you've always criticized. Testify by going to realastrology.com and clicking on "Email Rob."