By Keegan Hamilton
By Albert Samaha
By Village Voice staff
By Tessa Stuart
By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
There are so many sexy gifts available this Christmas that I'm sharing guide duties with Tristan Taormino (whose latest porn flick, Chemistry: Volume 1, would make a great present for anyone into hot tubs and oral sex). Let me start by saying that I think the best gifts are those that don't cost anything: a day spent entirely in bed, an hour-long massage, an erotic meal, or just a private, extended make-out session (in public, perhaps). However, I also love to give presents and have found all sorts of naughty goodies that would make any lusty lady or lad purr. The Candy Cane Cock ($49.95) gives new meaning to the phrase "stocking stuffer." This glass dildo could easily sit on a friend's coffee table, though is probably best kept next to the bed along with some lube. It's likely to sell out quickly, so get yours at Blowfish.com while you can.
Wear your sex positivity on your sleeveand your chestwith an "I Heart Female Orgasm" t-shirt ($12), button ($1), or poster ($5) from iheartfemaleorgasm.com. Say it loud and say it proud and support Breast Cancer Action (bcaction.org) in the process25 percent of the proceeds go to this worthy charity. And underneath your clothes you can't go wrong with wispy threads that beg to be torn off your bod. According to Rebecca Apsan, owner of lingerie emporium La Petite Coquette (thelittleflirt.com) and author of The Lingerie Handbook ($13.95), it's "air-conditioned underwear" (a/k/a crotchless) (Myla, $95) that's all the rage. She also recommends an "autoerotic" pearl thong ($69!), the Hanky Panky thong (because it's the most comfortable), and for the guys, silk boxers..
credit: Brian Van
For the art lovers in your life, Dr. Sketchy's Official Rainy Day Colouring Book (drsketchy.com, $20) delivers the curvaceous wenches artist Molly Crabapple's known for, and comes complete with a board game, drink recipes, cutout pasties, and "bad ideas." Pair it with Lonely Heart: The Art of Tara McPherson ($19.95), which features , darkly sexy, sometimes creepy images perfect for anyone whose walls are painted black, and you've got a horny hipster's wet dream of a gift.
Get your favorite bookworm a tight "Reading Is Sexy" t-shirt (buyolympia.com, $14.95). Then pile their bedside table with some arousing reading material. At the top of your list for the naughty (and even the nice) should be Alison Tyler's The Merry XXXmas Book of Erotica ($14.95), which will fulfill all your sex-with-Santa fantasies and then some. On the literary end, Walter Mosley's Killing Johnny Fry ($23.95) is a "sexistential novel" that delves into the world of porn, while Lily Burana's rodeo-themed Try ($23.95) is a luscious pansexual romp. For those who want to keep it a little more real, check out Suzanne Portnoy's fast-paced fuck-and-tell memoir The Butcher, the Baker, the Candlestick Maker ($12.95). For simply sizzling smut that'll keep you warm no matter who's in your bed, cozy up with Dahlia Schweitzer's smoking short-story collection Seduce Me ($13.95) or Saskia Walker's erotic office romance Double Dare ($14). Two humorous gifts that might even be appropriate for relatives are Reaching Climax: And Other Towns Along the American Highway ($19.95)how'd you like to live in Erect?and Pornification ($9.95), which lets you translate your favorite mainstream flicks into porno-ese.
If you simply want your gifteesto feast their eyes on gorgeous babes, look no further than the ultra-hot work of Dave Naz (davenaz.com). I recommend all of his photo books, especially Lust Circus ($34.95) and the stocking-lover's dream Legs ($39.95), along with his latest Fresh: Girls of Seduction ($39.95). Pervy Girls (Goliath, $24.95) by Christine Kessler features just that. Also self-explanatory (but totally hot) is Dian Hanson's The Big Book of Breasts($49.99), while Fetish 101 by Peter Czemich ($14.95) features nurses, latex, and Dita Von Teese.
For my fellow spankophiles, there's no shortage of ass-smacking goodies to properly punish a deserving bottom. Stockroom.com has a hand-shaped paddle ($33), a "slut" impression paddle ($26), and a heart-shaped leather one ($44), as well as the cherry-red lolly crop ($52). All the better to spank you with, my dear. And don't be deceived by its cutenessGood Vibrations' utterly adorable Kitty Crop (goodvibes.com, $22) packs a fierce wallop. Meow! The Sintillator is a shiny little flogger (blowfish.com, $9.95) that can tickle or sting. If you want to go above and beyond, perhaps for the Wall Street worker who has everything except the perfect top (including plenty of space), a high-priced spanking machine may be just the way to go. The Robospanker (robospanker.com) has several models, including its basic $695 one as well as an automatic ass smacker with vibrating bench ($945). Syren's black latex spanking dress with pretty red trim (syren.com, $259) has a special cutout on the bottom so you can look sexy while getting spanked (though getting spanked through latex stings wonderfully as well). If you're a guy looking for a little tough love, get your girl How to Be a Dominant Diva (dominantdiva.com, $22) and she'll be wielding a whip and having you cowering in no time.
Spoylt's Seduction Cuffs (spoylt.com, $105), in hot-pink silk with ribbon ties and a crystal link, are a far cry from the standard metal ones. Tie your lover up with these, then take one of Lelo's vibrators (lelo.com) and run it along her skin. All I can say about the Iris ( $99) is that I got aroused before I'd even put it inside me; its velvety smooth shaft feels divine in your hand or your pussy. The Nea ($74) is perfectly sized to buzz against your clit during sex or solo play.