Musto vs. Musto

Our gossip maven talks to himself about starfucking, outing, and his new book

Sounds like you might want to strike a poseur. What's your favorite column— of yours?
They're all my children! No, I'm kidding—I just always wanted to say that. My fave is probably the night out I did with the comedy group the Kids in the Hall, back when celebs were way less inaccessible and guarded. (I'm probably saying "way back when" a little too much. I didn't used to do that way back when.) We were all pinching each other's nipples and discussing the hazards of fisting, in between debating the vagaries of international politics. One of them even seemed ready to come home with me, but I don't believe in starfucking, so I figured, "Why should I let him fuck a star?"

You are big, aren't you? You're on every single showexcept for the major networks.
Yes. I have become so accustomed to doling out soundbites that I can barely lift my head and talk to a friend if they're not pointing a camera at my face. I'm so rehearsed by now that you merely have to tell me whether the subject is "Britney's a 'ho" or "Britney's a goddess" and wind me up and there I go, delivering 12 to 18 seconds of chirpy blather that tells you everything you need to know without really telling you a thing. But it's fun to have your opinion asked about everything —from Mary-Kate to Ashley—and to have people yelp with excitement when they see you on the street, even if they think they know you from a Doritos commercial.

The two faces of Musto
photo: Josh Gosfield
The two faces of Musto

Make me yelp with excitement, Michael. Give me some gossip.
You're a huge, gaping asshole! And by the way, it's just that kind of pristine wit you can find in my new book, La Dolce Musto.

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