Stuff You Need to Know to Avoid Cultural Ostracism

Illegal Mix Tapes
DJ Swindle and Frank Lyon'sAlmatic, an occasionally splendid comingling of Nas and Al Green.
Enjoy your moment in the sun now, boys, before the cops hunt you down like dogs.

Almatic

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More About

• Al Green
• Hammerstein Ballroom
• Pete Wentz
• Fall Out Boy
• John Mellencamp

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Feckless Fecundity
Let's knock it off with all the fucking Boris side projects already.
Take some time off. No, really. We'll be fine.

Transcendent Concert Experience
Bassist-troublemaker Pete Wentz's abysmal failure to trigger any fantastic security-guard-whomping brawls during Fall Out Boy's Hammerstein Ballroom gig last Tuesday night.
Don't just stand there spinning in place, asshole, this is New York City.

Awkward Social Interaction
Declining at that show to explain to Ultragrrl that you missed the opening set from Permanent Me, the Long Island band she's evidently managing, because you were in Queens at the time eating a grilled cheese sandwich.
She might not've taken it well.

Rampant Paranoia
Your creeping suspicion that all the people sending you the link to that Reh Dogg "Why Must I Cry" video because they figured you'd really like it are secretly insulting you.
Probably wellfounded.

Silver Linings
The post–Super Bowl lack of televised sports that, while depressing, will ensure that you may never hear John Mellencamp's "Our Country" again.
It's almost worth it.