By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
By Roy Edroso
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
By Zachary D. Roberts
Another non-winner, BEYONCÉ KNOWLES, is surely convincing herself, "I've got the Soul Train award! That's the important one." Surely it is, dear. And now that JENNIFER HUDSON's solo, "Love You I Do," is nominated for an Oscar along with the Beyoncé showcase "Listen," they can battle it out live on the telecast, maybe in some high-powered diva medley that will also include EDDIE MURPHY. Effie, we all got pain!
In other Murphy news, the comic actor squirms whenever anyone brings up that incident where he was caught so kindly driving a trannie home. So it's rather poetic that everywhere you turn these days there are gigantic Norbit billboards consisting of Eddie looking horrified as he lies under a giant, seductive drag queennamely, Eddie himself in full TRAVOLTA-like garb and makeup. The tagline: "Have you ever made a really big mistake?"
Grey's Anatomy star ISAIAH WASHINGTON certainly made a boo-boo when he screamed gay epithets at his costar T.R. KNIGHT, and that's all anyone could think about when the show rose to FAG, I mean SAG, glory. Washington's been rightly censured 'round the world for having done that, but I'm a little uncomfortable over the way he's been held up, MEL GIBSONstyle, as the receptacle for all our fears and the symbol of every possible hatred in the world. Isaiah simply got caught, so everyone and his mother are going after him with gloves off. But will the same incredibly righteous vigilante gang stay watchful of every single act of homophobia in the biz? Will they openly condemn producers who quietly fire (or never hire) gay actors? Pathetic gay stars who anxiously flaunt beards for the cameras? Gay-pride awards lavishly given to (or presented by) closet cases? No, I didn't think so.
And now, to placate the gays, let's have a little theater break. Translations is a soaring exploration of the power of language served in a lovely production, but how's this for powerful language: The theater was fucking freezing! A Spanish Play has a higher temperature and some stimulating talk, but it's mainly enhanced by the fact that if you sit in C110, your face will loom on the wall during a live video sequence. I'm adding it to my r ésumé as we speak.
If you can rollerskate, you might have two upcoming vehicles to add: The Little Mermaid, where they'll wheel around to look like they're swimming, and Xanadu, based on the roller- boogie flick that makes Grease! look like Greed. But a source swears that Disney doesn't want Xanadu to open first and is in fact frantic about it. (My Mermaid source says he hasn't heard that.) Maybe they can do a skate-off on the next Tonys.
Those who've seen Factory Girl say BOB DYLAN should get off his high rollers and send flowers, seeing as his character (or rather the, ahem, composite) is played by hunky HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN. Besides, Warhol comes off even worse.
But stop everything! There's one more cluband it's not in the Village! The Box is a Lower East Side performance place courtesy of SERGE BECKER, who promises it will do for theater and nightlife what Area (which he was a creator of) did for art and nightlife. Now I need someplace to help with nightlife and nightlife.
But stop again! My book, La Dolce Musto, is still being sold! Buy it and I'll sing "You've Got a Friend" till you climaxxx with three x's.