By Keegan Hamilton
By Albert Samaha
By Village Voice staff
By Tessa Stuart
By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
ARIES(March 21April 19): Have no fear of the damp and the dark and the cramped. In a place fitting that description, you can track down clues to a mystery that will inflame your curiosity and educate your soul; you can tap into a fresh surge of courage that'll render at least some of your suffering irrelevant. Expect a miracle to appear in the shadows, Aries. It could resemble a cornucopia spilling over with diamonds and potatoes, or maybe a charred fireman's helmet bedecked with sexual roses and fresh $20 bills.
TAURUS(April 20May 20): Don't you dare get superstitious on me, Taurus. Just because you've had more than your fair share of luck lately doesn't mean that you're now going to get less than your share. It is possible that you'll have to work harder to continue benefiting from what has been coming pretty easily. And it may be the case that you'll be pushed to take on responsibilities that you assumed were covered by other people. But that doesn't mean you should lower your expectations. If anything, you should ask for even more fun, fascination, and freedom.
GEMINI(May 21June 20): Calling all you big fish languishing in small ponds, all you flashy amateurs who've been avoiding tougher audiences, all you closet geniuses who have used shyness as an excuse to keep your idiosyncratic brilliance under wraps: This is your wake-up call. Sneak or saunter or leap up to the next level of excellenceor else! Or else what? Or else your pretty fantasies will start to decay. Sorry to be so pushy, but I'm aching to see you seize the starring role in the unlived chapters of your life story.
CANCER(June 21July 22): Question: Which part of you is too tame, overcivilized, and super-domesticated, and what are you going to do about it? Answer from Jason R., a Cancerian reader: "I was like a mole in a suburban backyard. I had just one little path I trod each day: to the compost pile and back. I chewed on orange rinds and leftover cabbage. I was tamed by the comfort of my familiar environment, content to have a narrow vision. But then I was eaten by a hawk, and became part of a wild, free body. Now I perch on the tops of trees and the peaks of roofs. I survey giddy-wide horizons, from the river to the mesa and far beyond. I have a wealth of choices. Where to fly? What to hunt? Who are my allies? My thoughts breathe deep, like the slow explosion of sun on the morning lake."
LEO(July 23Aug. 22): You're strong medicine these days, Leo. You're 100-proof mojo. You might want to consider pinning a warning label to your shirt or jacket. It could say something like "Caution: Contents are hot, slippery, and under pressure. Use at your own risk." It's not that you're evil or neurotic. It's just that as you revisit and revise your deepest psychosexual questions, you have so much cathartic potency that you're likely to transform everything you touch into a more authentic version of itself. People with weak egos will be afraid of that, while those with strong constitutions will love it.
VIRGO(Aug. 23Sept. 22): Here are tips on how to get the most out of your time with the other signs of the zodiac during the next three weeks. With Sagittarius: Think bigger and go further than you normally do. With Libra: Enjoy beautiful things together. With Cancer: Make yourself easy to give to. With Taurus: Let him or her help you get less theoretical, more practical. With Aquarius: Collaborate in making the flow of ideas crackle and splash. With Capricorn: To deepen your bond, laugh at hypocrisy together. With Pisces: Join together in feeling rich emotions about a person or situation you both care about. With Gemini: Dare to express three of your different sub-personalities. With Aries: Remember that spontaneity leads to truth. With Leo: Playfully brag to each other. With Scorpio: Dive down together, going deeper than you could have by yourself.
LIBRA(Sept. 23Oct. 22): "Dear Rob Brezsny: Two months ago I met the first person with whom I am completely psychic. We fell deeply in love, of course. But it turned out that neither of us was ready or able to fulfill the potential of our connection because we are nowhere near as profoundly in love with ourselves as we are with each other. The good news is that through my love for him, I have intensified my desire to learn to love myself. The bad news is that we can't really be together as fate intended until we upgrade our self-love. Lucky Yet Unlucky Libra." Dear Libra: I hope your testimony will inspire other Libras to boost their luck in love by deepening their love for themselves. Astrologically speaking, it's a perfect time to attend to this worthy project.
SCORPIO(Oct. 23Nov. 21): In the coming weeks, you'll attract cosmic assistance whenever you add to your repertoire, branch out artistically or socially, or start gathering seed money for a project that may take years to ripen. Mythically speaking, the coming weeks will also be a good time to have intimate relations with a fertility god or goddess, and to plant magic beans that will grow into a bean stalk that reaches the sky. "Is that it?" you may be asking. "Nothing but good news?!" My only caveat, which is pretty minor, is that you might add a few pounds to your frame. If you're a hetero woman, that could be caused by a pregnancy unless you're careful.
SAGITTARIUS(Nov. 22Dec. 21): In a couple of weeks it will make sense to aggressively insert your vivid presence into the thick of the action. There will be dizzying opportunities to chase down and intoxicating connections to forge. But it's premature to get riled up about all that yet. For the foreseeable future, Sagittarius, take your inspiration from Franz Kafka, who gave the following advice in his book The Great Wall of China: "You need not do anything. Remain sitting at your table and listen. You need not even listen, just wait. You need not even wait, just learn to be quiet, still, and solitary. And the world will freely offer itself to you unmasked. It has no choice; it will roll in ecstasy at your feet."
CAPRICORN(Dec. 22Jan. 19): There are two basic approaches to manipulating people. In one, you manipulate people solely for your own good. In the other, you do it equally for your good and their good. In the second type, moreover, you deeply empathize with and even become more like the people you want to influence. You allow them to work their magic on you at least as much as you work your magic on them. Guess which kind I'm urging you to express right now, Capricorn.
AQUARIUS(Jan. 20Feb. 18): Human beings have employed steel to make tools, weapons, and buildings for many centuries. But it wasn't until 1913 that they discovered stainless steel, a stronger and purer version of the metal that's virtually rust-free. I predict a comparable development for you in the coming weeks, Aquarius. Some essential resource that you've been enjoying for a long time could become even better and more useful. It won't happen all by itself, though. You'll have to want it and seek it and agitate for it.
PISCES(Feb. 19March 20): "Think dangerously!" read the headline on today's bright-yellow piece of junk mail. That sounded inviting. I'm always eager for help in overthrowing my certainties. But the product being promoted inside the envelope was just a piece of propaganda: a magazine touting Libertarian dogma. I threw it in my recycling bin along with all the other doctrinaire crap I constantly get from fundamentalists of every stripe, including right-wing religious nuts and left-wing atheists, New Age Pollyannas and intellectual cynics, science haters and science shills. Now here's the climax of this horoscope, Pisces: Really think dangerously. Question every belief, your own as much as everyone else's. French author André Gide said it best: "Trust those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it."
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