Splendour in the Crass

Spring load with punk psychopaths and cheerleader cherrybombs

April 10, doors 8pmThe NME just luuuuvs these dudes; ordinarily sensible blogger types are bandying about "new rave" as a descriptor and call to arms. Crikey. A Culture Club for those who define culture very loosely. Bowery Ballroom, 6 Delancey, boweryballroom.com, $15 (sold out)

Souls of Mischief
April 18, doors 8pmWest Coast indie-rap titans reprise the mighty " '93 Till Infinity" while you weep with joy. Southpaw, 125 Fifth Ave, Bklyn, spsounds.com, price TBA

Jarvis Cocker
April 22-–23, doors 8pmIf you're ever on a blind date and he/she proclaims Pulp's "Common People" the greatest song of all time, marry him/her immediately; no matter what literate, lecherous oaths frontman Cocker hurls from the stage as he sketches out his prurient but playful Britpop, do not marry him. Webster Hall, 125 E 11th, bowerypresents.com, $32–$35

Christina Aguilera
photo: Ellen Labenski/courtesy PaceWildenstein Gallery
Christina Aguilera

Devildriver + Dimmu Borgir + Kataklysm + Unearth
April 26, 7pmSay hello to jovial Voice listings guru and black-metal totem D. Shawn Bosler (guaranteed to be in the crowd), and marvel at how metal cred is often attainable merely by switching your Cs to Ks. Nokia Theatre Times Square, 1515 Bway, nokiatheatrenyc.com, $25

Konono No. 1
May 5, doors 7pmLavishly praised, joyously noisy African pop maestros make white people dance even more awkwardly than usual via expert manipulation of the likembé (a/k/a thumb piano), which resembles the device used by meter maids to deprive you of the joy these folks bring in spades. Bowery Ballroom, 6 Delancey, boweryballroom.com, $20–$23

LCD Soundsystem
May 14, doors 7:30pm Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah! Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah! Webster Hall, 125 E 11th, bowerypresents.com, $20–$25 (late-March Bowery Ballroom dates are sold out as fuck)

Dirty Dozen Brass Band
May 30, doors 6pmNo need to patronize this vibrant institution merely out of lingering New Orleans guilt— hunt down last year's fantastic, criminally underpublicized track-by-track remake of Marvin Gaye's What's Going On for insight into precisely that. B.B. King Blues Club & Grill, 237 W 42nd, bbkingblues.com, $16–$19

Van Halen
Ahhahahahaahahahahaha. Nowhere, Never

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