By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
SAGITTARIUS(Nov. 22Dec. 21): In his poem "Treasure Island," Keith Althaus describes this scenario: "The tireless lighthouse flashes its ambiguous message: equal parts safety and danger." What's the equivalent of that in your life, Sagittarius? Is there a person, situation, or symbolic thing that is both warning you of a potential problem and telling you how to find sanctuary in a specific solution? Whatever it is, deepen your relationship with it so you'll be finely attuned to the guidance it's offering.
CAPRICORN(Dec. 22Jan. 19): [Editor's note: This week's horoscope was written by Artstar, one of my readers. It's titled "How to Be a Capricorn."] Be a workaholic as you build a beautiful life for yourself and those you care about most. Love as hard as you work; be a loveaholic. In fact, be doggedly devoted to becoming the best you can be in every waynot just in your career but also in your marriage and in your roles as friend, parent, community member, and all-around ethical person. Be stubborn in your insistence that we humans are capable of more and better, and prod others into being their best and most beautiful selves. If they refuse, end your relationship with them, but keep wishing them well.
AQUARIUS(Jan. 20Feb. 18): Sports franchises sell the naming rights to their stadiums. Baseball's San Francisco Giants play at AT&T Park, for instance. Then there are the parents who've sold the naming rights to their unborn children on eBay. Inspired by these precedents, I'm thinking about selling the naming rights to the astrological signs. Instead of just "Aquarius," I could maybe convince Nike to invest in calling it "Nike's Aquarius." Better yet, maybe I could hawk the rights (at a lower rate, of course) to organizations whose cultural influence I actually respect: Burning Man's Aquarius or Greenpeace's Aquarius. Given your current astrological omens, you should entertain an idea like this. Maybe you could add a corporate sponsor as your new middle name or as the name of your blog or your pet or your genitals. Consider it, Aquarius. It's the perfect time to think outside the box in regard to bringing more money into your life.
PISCES(Feb. 19March 20): Molecular scientist Robert Bohannon knows a way to cram even more obscene gratification into a doughnut. He has discovered the secret to infusing pastries with a non-bitter version of caffeine. If his innovation is adopted by bakers, a doughnut would not only be able to have its usual sugary kick, but could also deliver the punch of two cups of coffee. Judging from the current astrological omens, Pisces, I'd say you'll soon be able to find a healthy metaphorical equivalent to this pathological marvel for your own use. In other words, you'll intensify your enjoyment of an already fine pleasure.
Homework What were the circumstances in which you were most dangerously alive? Testify by going to realastrology.com and clicking on "Email Rob."