Shopping with The Secret

Buy what you want! The universe will pay your bills

You might think I'm feeling a little spiritually bankrupt, a teensy bit guilty, with all this emphasis on luxury goods and personal appearance, but you'd be wrong. According to The Secret, those old-time patriarchs didn't exactly take vows of poverty. Byrne refers readers to a little-known series called The Millionaires of the Bible, swearing that "in these glorious books you will discover that Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, and Jesus were not only prosperity teachers, but also millionaires themselves, with more affluent lifestyles than many present-day millionaires could conceive of."

But just in case whatever remains of your social conscience begins to prick, Byrne offers this solution: "When I discovered the Secret I made a decision that I would not watch the news or read newspapers anymore, because it did not make me feel good . . . The news services and newspapers will change what they deliver to us when we emit a new signal and focus on what we want."

Sorry, but I'm not wasting my signal on the news media. I'm too busy arranging to have my purchases shipped to my deluxe apartment in the sky. After all, according to Byrne, this is just as the universe wants it to be. "The earth turns on its orbit for You," she opines. "The oceans ebb and flow for You. The birds sing for You. The sun rises and it sets for You.

illustration: Ryan Sanchez

For Me, and for the big money boys over at Barneys.

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