By Matt Caputo
By Devon Maloney
By Chris Chafin
By Village Voice
By Katie Moulton
By Hilary Hughes
By Gili Malinsky
By Bob Ruggiero
Wondering why anyone would knowingly watch a video clip of Karl Rove rapping.
Have some respect for yourself.
That Marshmallow Peepslookin' robot that demonstrates its ability to "incorporate the rhythmic properties of human interactive behavior" by dancing to Spoon's "I Turn My Camera On."
To be honest, it does eerily resemble an overweight thirtysomething dude, with moves that emit similar sex appeal.
Rediscovering your love for Quicksand.
Relive your ill-advised mid-'90s hardcore phase. Bonus: the coining of the lyrical term "excrementable."
"1-2-3-4!" count-offs in the middle of songs.
The true legacy of "Born to Run."
INSTRUCTIVE RAP SLANG
Applying the advice "Throw some D's on that bitch" to other areas of your life.
Such as changing the batteries in your boombox or grading economics exams.
Enraged e-mails threatening violence because you deigned to publicly praise Jesse Malin.
Any message that starts "HOLY CHRIST!![Author punches an old lady walking nearby]" is probably worth your time.