By Jared Chausow
By Katie Toth
By Elizabeth Flock
By Albert Samaha
By Anna Merlan
By Jon Campbell
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
TAURUS (April 20May 20): To get misguided tips about how to invest, check out Henry Blodget's "The Complete Bad Advice Column" (tinyurl.com/ys4al8). For crabby, mean-spirited counsel about how to conduct your personal life, listen to Dr. Laura's syndicated radio show (drlaura.com). For silly chatter about trivial subjects, read the "most intelligent woman in the world," Marilyn vos Savant (marilynvossavant.com). But if, on the other hand, you'd likebrilliant guidance about where to direct your substantial life energy next, tap into your own intuition. The astrological omens suggest that it's working better now than it ever has. It's far more useful to you than any so-called expert's blatherings.
GEMINI (May 21June 20): The Yanyuwa aborigines of northwestern Australia believe that music literally has curative properties. In one traditional method, the healer sings a medicine song directly into the top of the head of the patient. The sound circulates through the body, driving out the illness or unease. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, something resembling this approach could help chase away your current malaise. Do you think you could find a shaman or shaman wannabe to perform the musical "surgery"? If not, do the job yourself. Spend 20 minutes a day singing the most potent healing songs you know into your own head.
CANCER (June 21July 22): The counsel I'm about to offer is not given lightly. If you choose to heed it, it could wreak discomfort and disorder, at least initially. And you'll have to pump yourself up with more courage than you're used to feeling. Still, I'm convinced it's the right thing for you to hear; I believe that any breakdown it might engender will ultimately lead to a breakthrough. So here's the advice, courtesy of Franz Kafka: "Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly."
LEO (July 23Aug. 22): In 2005, former mayor of New York Rudy Giuliani was paid $100,000 for speaking at a fundraiser for tsunami relief. That's a prime example of giving a gift with steel cablelike strings attached. Be wary of this phenomenon popping up in your own life, Leo. Don't accept such mixed blessings, and don't offer them, either. That's the cautionary news. The encouraging news is that if you're vigilant in guarding against generosity that isn't really generosity, the coming weeks will be favorable for the giving and receiving of modest gifts that have a big impact. Visualize Giuliani getting, say, an honorarium of $5,000 for his help in raising money for a good cause, and you'll plant the right seed in your subconscious mind.
VIRGO (Aug. 23Sept. 22): I was enjoying a leisurely bike ride in a rural neighborhood where I'd never been. The houses were sparsely placed amid overgrown meadows. The temperature was balmy. My endorphins had kicked in and the fragrance of wildflowers had rendered me giddy. Then my mood shifted suddenly. While rolling downhill on a one-lane road, I hit a speed bumpfreakishly, unexpectedly, right in the middle of paradise. Why was it there? My bike stopped cold and I flew through the air, landing awkwardly. The damage was minimal, and the shock was a bit invigorating. Still, I advise you, Virgo, to watch out for and avoid a comparable speed bump out there in the frontier you're exploring. There's no inherent karmic necessity for you to experience an inconvenient interruption like mine. Add 10 percent more caution to your roving and rambling.
LIBRA (Sept. 23Oct. 22): "Ordinary life does not interest me," wrote Anaïs Nin in one of her diaries. "I seek only the high moments. I am searching for the marvelous." Normally I might discourage you from pursuing that approach, Libra. You've got money to make and appointments to keep and groceries to buy, after all. And doing those tasks can make it hard to specialize in the marvelous. But for a limited time only, the planetary powers that be are granting you an exemption from the ordinary. More than that, actually: They're insisting on it. You need intimate contact with unreasonable beauty, sweet anomalies, beguiling ephemera, inexplicable joys, and small changes that inspire reverence.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23Nov. 21): It'll be fine to eat ice cream with a fork this week. It'll be kind of cool to enter through exits, too, and you may generate good luck if you smash a mirror with a hammer or talk about subjects you're normally too superstitious to broach. You should also consider fixing things before they're broken, and listen ravenously to what's not being said. But please avoid trying to drink coffee with a sieve, Scorpio. Refrain from saying what you don't mean. And don't you dare try to fall up.