The Chocolate Wars

On the bewildering summertime dominance of Tay Zonday and R. Kelly

While Kelly recently declared himself the Ali, Bob Marley, Marvin, and Martin of today (he could certainly portray all four), Trapped shows that he's also its Michael Jackson and Eddie Murphy, encapsulating in two DVDs the Shrek Dr. Doolittle Nutty Professor franchises while embodying the slide from "Thriller" to "Bad" to Moonwalker. Trapped has become trapped itself: an hour-long suspension of that opening rumble of tympani, Twilight Zone piano melody, faucet drip, muffled thwick! of an acoustic guitar, vertiginous climax of synth-strings, and Kelly's switch from sweet falsetto to that emphatic Jacko scream capping each and every episode. Meanwhile, Chapter 22's cliffhanger seems to take place in outer space. What the fuck is the Package? When or where will it all end? Kelly insists that it can't, as "Trapped in the Closet is about us all." He then hints that it will wrap up "pretty much whenever the aliens decide to leave." Will those aliens take R. Kelly and Tay Zonday back to their Sex Planet?

Details

Tay Zonday's "Chocolate Rain"

To be continued. . . .

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