By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
You make me so wet. Im rubbing myself so hard. Oh my God, Im going to come!
If youve ever had cybersex in a chat room, chances are youve reador writtensentences like these. Amidst mmms and oh yeahs, they appear in transcripts from even the most uninspired romps. Its not hard to understand why cybering and orgasms so often go together. Cybersex is hot; getting hot makes you want to come. For a lot of people, real-life orgasm is the only reason to have cybersex at all. With one hand on their keyboards and the other down unzipped pairs of pants, these people are the well-coordinated mutual masturbators, hunt-and-pecking steamily while they stroke.
At least, thats the idea. The fact of the matter is though, even the words Im going to come are easier to type with two hands. Which raises the question: when someone tells you theyre orgasming during cybersex, how do you know for sure?
I like cybersex, believe me. But, for better or for worse, I often find myself engaged in some damn bad cybering. Trying to keep on my No, Im not doing this for research, what makes you say that? game face, I enter moans of pleasure that match my partners. When asked what Im doing, I dont think twice about responding, Touching myself. If pressed (some partners desperately want to feel accomplished), Ill even fake a cyber orgasm. In theory, my fingers are lost deep inside me. In reality, Im usually sitting at my desk, fully clothed, eating a sandwich.
I dont mean to be deceptive, but when everyone seems to have a one-track mindthat track being orgasm!whats a girl to do? Sure, my case is somewhat special, but it makes me wonder. Even in the world of laymen cyberers, not every orgasm can be real. Not every encounter can be so hot it inspires climax. Not every beautiful woman can actually be sitting at home, fondling herself through her black lingerie. So how can so many cybersex transcripts look the same? Other people must be faking it, too.
For a lot of people, the idea of being faked on is like a sexual slap in the face. (And by the way, I was faking! comes to mind as a particularly unpleasant way to get kicked to the curb by a lover.) But before you get indignant about potential online fakers, there are a few things to remember in their defense.
First, theres a lot of pressure. Guys especially arent too keen on hearing No, Im not touching myself. Its part of the appeal of cybersex that theres a hot girl masturbating on the other end of the screen. So its understandable that a woman might lie. Plus, just because you really are naked in front of your computer doesnt mean your partner signed a contract to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Cybersex, as we keep saying, is about mutual fantasy. If your partner says I orgasmed, that might be part of the fantasy, too.
Of course, its just as possible for guys to fake it as girls. With a girl you might look for clues like 1) Does she seem turned on by the chat, or are her generic responses and uninspired orgasm description a sign that shes trying to end things quickly and gracefully? 2) Has she had enough time to actually make herself come? Typing coherent sentencestyping anything for that matterwhile rubbing yourself to orgasm isnt just damn difficult, its also not very much fun. As in real-life sex, particularly colorful exclamations ("Oh, yes, I fucking love it when you fuck me with your fucking hot cock!") can also mark a faker.
On the other hand, for guys, the question is more feasibility. Its not as hard to masturbate and type if you have a penis. (Granted, its not easy eitheror so I'm told.) But if your male lover still wants to go at it five seconds after he supposedly came Well, thats a red flag. Then there are the serial orgasm-ers, guys who claim to be shooting their hot load every three minutes for a straight hour and a half. Sexy? Maybe. Probable. No way.
Things get even more complicated when you consider that its nearly impossible to tell the real-life gender of the person youre cybering with, let alone whether theyve orgasmed. Maybe the cute girl from California didnt need to stop typing to get off because, well, she had a penis. If you really want to know for sure, the answer is simple: webcam.
Beyond that, the best advice I can offer is: get over it. Not so much get over the faking, as get over the sheer importance of orgasms. Theyre great. No question. But theres more to cybersexand sex in generalthat just coming. Sit back and enjoy the ride.