By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
Well, the star attraction involved a hoop all right, but spinning around in it while glamorously suspended from the ground was none other than . . . Carmen Electra? Yep, the Pussycat doll was the guest with the hoop-la and she did very well, though when I asked her afterwards about the waiver, Electra pleaded complete ignorance. ("You're kidding! That's weird!") I believed her, but then again this is the woman who said "I do" to Dennis Rodman. But what about those undies, darling? Do they make people gay? "Well, Dave [ Navarro] always wore 2(x)ist," Electra said, "and he's straight." Pause. "I think." Another pause. "I'm teasing!"
At another bashone with clothes onclub regular and skin-care specialist Jun Nakayama popped up for the first time in three months, so I wondered why the fuck she hasn't been out. "It's been too hot to wear the wig," she explained, sensibly.
Speaking of the importance of accessories, fashion fights or "style wars" are the newest variation on krumping (which was sort of the new voguing, which was sort of the new . . . never mind). Wannabe stylists whooshily battle it out for five minutes, turning various odd items into some semblance of an outfit on someone willing to be a human coat hanger (or even, bravely enough, on themselves). "It's WWD meets WWE," said a House of Diehl rep who recently hawked this incipient phenomenon to me. At these events, "I'm teasing!" is screeched directly at someone's follicles.
While we're on quickie hair decisions, the overmedicated and under-rehearsed Britney Spears is still on my mind, especially since she hasn't sung live in so long (maybe since the Mouseketeers), and the voice she lip-synchs to is so pristine and amazing, I wouldn't be surprised if some Milli Vanilli scandal emerges about her someday. I think. You read it here firstthen again, I also wrote that Lindsay Lohan was sober.
While Britney is stagnating in her look-ma-no-underwear highway-hooker image, Christina Aguilera's going for classbut alas, that resulted in her energy-sucking duet with Tony Bennett on the Emmys, which could have benefitted from Christina grabbing Tony's crotch a few times. Other losers that night included Jeremy Piven's weave, which looked like the result of a style war, and Neil Patrick Harris 's bizarre attempt at a leering hetero joke. But thank God for Bill Maher's hilarious bathroom-blowjob bit, plus you gotta love a western (a genre that "belongs uniquely to us in this country," according to Robert Duvall) that was shot in Canada. Most fascinating of all was Sally Field's bleeped comment that if mothers were in charge, there'd be no goddamned war. But didn't Hillary Clinton vote for it? Oh, well, it's back to the September movies, folks.