Oscar Winner Found at Gay Bar!

Give Lizz Winstead her due. And keep your hands off Megan Mullally's melons

And then came the strike and the choices were to either see YF again (it's unaffected because of a separate contract, not because Mel wants it to go on anyway) or the dreaded Off-Broadway, so I chose to stay home and watch TV. But that's on strike too, except for scabby Ellen, and the last thing I want to do is watch her cry more crocodile tears over pets in between professing support for her picketing humans. "Female dog!" I'm tempted to scream.

So I waited till nightfall and went to the Out 100 bash for notables chosen by Out magazine (which I write for), bringing together more gays in one room than a Scientology family picnic. At the event, someone crept up behind me and said, "I'm the guy who outed Larry Craig. And I've got more of them!" Great—let's bring 'em on, tapping, and put them in Young Frankenstein! In another lavender nook, I asked designer Thom Browne what percentage gay he is, and he said, "One hundred percent—but I'm a guy who is a guy." Huh? So you're not a lesbian? "No, not a lesbian," he replied, definitively. A hundred and 10 percent gay male, Judge David Young told me he's quite open on his TV show, once telling a group of hooligans: "There's only one queen in this courtroom and that's me!" Point taken—but more urgently, when the hell will Judge Judy come out? "I think she's out already," he said, playing along. Talk about justice with a snap. "By the way," Young went on, "I call my show The Judge Judy Garland Show. When you yell at someone like Judge Judy does, people shut down. You want people to listen." He left me by singing "Rose's Turn," and far from shutting down, I applauded and declared him not guilty.

And the gays kept coming. The other Sunday night, Jane Fonda popped up at the Hiro ballroom for Cuckoo Club, the flamingest weekly bash in town, and danced with the gays into the wee hours. Most shockingly of all, one of her friends called the club in advance with credit-card info—yes, Jane and company actually paid for their table and drinks! And she was funny! According to a source, when a male model approached her and shrieked, "You're fucking Jane Fonda!" Jane cracked, "No, but you should be." Her only demand? Going in and out via the back door—but that may have been a subtle nod to gay sex.

At Beige, everyone who's ever been on Project Runway was having a big dinner, including Santino Rice, who assured me he's actually glad he didn't win that time. "I never had to defend my crown," he said, "and all the right people called me." And the Schwinn is still running! And you never get called "the Ruben Studdard of Project Runway." But I still want to win! Anything!

musto@villagevoice.com

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