By Albert Samaha
By Steve Weinstein
By Devon Maloney
By Tessa Stuart
By Alison Flowers
By Albert Samaha
By Jesse Jarnow
By Eric Tsetsi
But let me get out of the toilet and into the living room to reveal that though Desperate Housewives' writers are on strike, they couldn't stop me from meeting up with Kathryn Joosten, who's hilarious as Mrs. McCloskey, the crusty old bag that Lynette ( Felicity Huffman) threw eggs at. The character's greatest moment came when one of the kids offered her a fudgesicle if she'd show her vagina. She was later seen proudly eating a fudgesicle!
"The freedom of age is just delightful," Joosten told me at the Empire Hotel last week. "If you don't get obscene or hurt people's feelings, you can say whatever you want. 'Honey, that is not a good color for you. Stick to plaid, you're safe.' " Greatplaid's my favorite color!
Apparently McCloskey's mouth gets colorful again in an upcoming episode, when a tornado leads to much debating about whether Lynette is a pal or a shameless opportunist. "But we end up friends by the end," Joosten assured me. "Oh, no!" I shrieked in dismay. "Don't worry," Joosten cooed. "There's other people to fight with." She didn't mean the gays, thank God. "I would hope Mrs. McCloskey wouldn't care what anyone does in their bedroom," Joosten told me. "Do it in the grass in front of the houseor smoke the grass in front of the houseand that's something else."
Like McCloskey, former smoker (and lung cancer survivor) Joosten marches to her own drummer (probably the guy from Def Leppard). She started out as a psych nurse and loved it so much she didn't even mind having her hand slammed in a door and having "a couple of senile old men try to hump me." Did that experience help her deal with some actors? "Sure," she said. "You can identify a nut right off the bat: 'You're a friggin' nut!' " That brought us to her husband, whowhen Joosten went into actinginstructed the kids, "Tell your mother to get a real job!" "If he had lived to see me win the Emmy," she told me, "that would have been sweet revenge. I would have called him up and said, 'Look, asshole!' "
As for a higher orifice, Joosten said she smoked so much as a Catholic schoolgirl that a nun got wise to her aroma. "My brother drove me here. Hesmokes," Joosten assured her. "You lied to a nun?" I gagged. "You're going to hell!" "So's she!" she said, laughing.
In the meantime, Joosten stopped by the strike-resistant The View last week to suggest that Whoopi Goldberg try to continue the habit via celery sticks and red licorice. Really? Smoking a veggie stick in public? Ah, the freedom of age. As I left, Joosten cutely demanded, "Get a chest X-ray. And a helmet for riding your bike." Only when you show me your vagina!
But back to people without vaginas. Dan Savage's The Kid, his book about how he and his boyfriend became parents, is being turned into a musical, and I hear Scott Elliott (The Women, The Threepenny Opera) has inked to direct. That's one more reason to hope the stagehand strike ends.
And here's more happy gay entertainment news. The sequel to Another Gay Moviecalled Another Gay Sequel: Gays Gone Wildstarts filming in Ft. Lauderdale in two weeks. Most of the original cast returns, along with RuPaul, Lady Bunny, and Logo's Will Wikle. How gay!
And here's more good gay entertainment news. The sequel to Another Gay Moviecalled Another Gay Sequel: Gays Gone Wildstarts filming in Ft. Lauderdale in two weeks. Most of the original cast returns, along with RuPaul, Lady Bunny, and Logo's Will Wikle. How gay!