Naughty Gifts for Your Cyber Ho Ho Ho's

From high-tech tools to sequined nipples, what to buy your sexy online sweetheart

Yes, that time of the holiday season has arrived. You’ve finished 95% of your shopping, and the only people left on your list are damn difficult. What do you get the near-sighted uncle who already has a closet full of sweaters? Or the meditative pal who recently gave up his all worldly possessions? But those people pale in comparison to the toughest challenge of all: the online lover. Sure, you talk all the time, but chances are you’ve never even met this person in real life. How are you supposed to know what kind of gift-wrapped trinket to send them?

Fret no more, yuletide cybersex fans, because Click Me is full of last-minute suggestions. Whether you’re shopping for a cyber playmate, a real-life partner with a kinky side, or just someone whose digital naughty bits you’d like to get better acquainted with, these gift ideas are sure to make it a very sexy internet Christmas.

A webcam. For that cybersex enthusiast who’s still stuck in the dark days of text and voice chat, a webcam is the fastest way to get teleported into the up-to-date world of online video sex. It can be used for keeping in touch with long-distance boyfriends, for getting naked with new sexy friends, or for turning pro and putting on shows. Melissa Gira of Sexerati recommends the iMage for Macs that don’t already have built in iSights ($59.99). As for PCs, Logitech makes a wide range of cams ($49.99-$99.99) that are equally capable of showing off the curves behind your sweetheart’s keyboard.

A striptease kit. Does your special someone already own a webcam? Is he/she/ze just too shy to get naked in front of it? Then buy them A Guide to the Art of Striptease ($24.95) and boost their bare-skin confidence. This is the complete package for anyone who’s ever wanted to learn how to shimmy, but has been too embarrassed to ask an actual stripper. The kit comes with a guidebook, body glitter, and red sequin pasties for your loved one’s nipples. “Learning to strip is easier than learning to ride a bike—and a hell of a lot sexier,” promises the guide, especially with its pre-set stripping routines, including moves like “The Raunchy Ramp” (lying on your back and thrusting your hips in the air), “Firestarter” (resting on your elbows while kicking up your legs), and “The Rock ‘N’ Roll” (working those pasties for all they’re worth).

Some sexy underwear. It may sound cliche, but a few semi-seductive, matching sets of bras and panties could make the perfect gift for even the more experienced cybersex enthusiast. A spontaneous webcam liaison can stop before it starts if a woman thinks, “Wait, what underwear am I wearing right now? Ugh, the old pair with the holes. I definitely can’t take off my clothes wearing this.” In fact, sultry undergarments might even inspire the aforementioned woman to get naked in front of her camera more often. If she’s got her sexy undies on, she’ll just have to show them to someone…

A small, easy-to-maneuver vibrator. As text cyberers know, masturbating while typing can be a chore. Make things easier on a female friend or family member by buying them the Laya Spot ($48.00). Curved for ergonomic clitoral stimulation, the Laya comes in bright, festive colors and is made of super safe Elastomer. Most importantly, it’s powerful and easy to control without looking down. By feeling for the plus button, the lucky recipient can get off without ever taking their eyes of the screen.

A subscription to an independent porn site. Everyone loves internet porn, even people who aren’t into cybersex. For $19.95 a month at a website like TastyTrixie.com, someone you love could have access to nude photo galleries, video shows, and spycams from the personal home of Trixie—a beautiful, buxom, 100% natural performer who runs her own site and controls her own body. Sexy and empowering: it’s a Christmas miracle.

A hefty hunk of Linden dollars. There are lots of virtual world out there for having sex, but Second Life is still the number one spot to go for exploring your online fantasies. Like the membership, the sex in Second Life is free (unless you hire a virtual escort), but having money certainly makes it a more pleasant experience. 10,000 Linden dollars—the game’s local currency—can be purchased for approximately 44 US dollars. With that much cash, a new Second Life resident could buy a whole wardrobe of sexy clothes, as well as a slew of anatomically correct body parts—even animated genitalia. Nobody wants to stay a Ken doll forever…

The book that (re)kindles their faith in cybersex. My Tiny Life by Julian Dibbell was written over a decade ago, but it’s tales of cyber passion are just as pertinent today. Is cybersex really sex? Can it actually be meaningful? How can two people get in on in one tiny, make-believe magic lamp? Share your love of lusty online role-playing with someone special by letting Dibbell do the talking.

When in doubt, give the gift of cybersex! As in, go out and have some. Heck, consider it a holiday present to yourself.

 
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