By Jared Chausow
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By Jon Campbell
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At the M.E.A.N.Y. Fest finals at the Knitting Factory, I voted for the tighter-than-my-pussy Ten Year Vamp and the completely off-the-wall Maslow, but some showbizzy Scottish band with bowler hats won, maybe because they'd flown all the way from Sweden just for this event. Fellow judge (and powerhouse performer) Lourds Lane previewed her Super Chix rock opera and told me that Frenchie Davis will appear in it, singing the immortal "Shut Up and Fuck Me." Oui-oui!
Some movie catchup? One of the few ceremonies that's been unencumbered by pickets, the New York Film Critics Circle Awards brought out cinema types genuflecting before one anotherliterally in the case of Javier Bardem, who kneeled in front of Daniel Day-Lewis as I simultaneously cried and got sick. The latter won Best Actor for definitely doing Walter or John Huston (but definitely not Whitney Houston) in There Will Be Blood, one of several arty films this year about greed in the wilderness. (Then again, what do I know? I am a false prophet! God is a superstition!)
Before the ceremony, Florian Henckel von Donnersmarckwho directed the best foreign-language film, The Lives of Otherstold me, "I don't see the Huston thing. I see Daniel's performance as a completely personal study in greed. Watching it was a deeply therapeutic experience. Everyone can find elements of themselves in Daniel Plainview." Yeah, especially Walter Huston.
Onstage, von Donnersmarck praised Day-Lewis, but he also thanked presenter Charlie Rose, interestingly saying that if he wasn't happily married, he would have enjoyed the fans he got from being on Rose's show. Another grateful winner, Sarah Polley, nabbed Best First Film for Away From Her, so I saucily asked if she beat Ben Affleck for it. "Yeah," Polley deadpanned, "I beat the crap out of him and he's lying in a ditch, where he's ineligible." (A woman who plays along with the press and makes a haunting Alzheimer's film? I'd marry her if I weren't already so devoted to Charlie Rose.)
In total homo land, I hear that on the Florida set of Another Gay Sequel: Gays Gone Wild, Will Wikle had a lovely affair with porn star Brent Corrigan. Another ejaculation idol, Michael Lucas, had to be forced to wear his "cock sock" coverup during his sceneshe wanted it all flapping out, as usualand what's more, he made his screen romantic partner cry by ad-libbing a bit where he fingered the kid's butthole. Uncharacteristically, Lucas had no comment about this when I asked for one.
A more covered-up MichaelMichael Cerawas just spotted downtown trying to convince a bunch of girls from Long Island that he's an actor! But even if they hadn't heard of Juno yet, Superbad was huge! How super-dumb can you get? We got us some super cunts here.
Wait, let me catch you up on more from the New York Film Critics Circle awards. Receiving a lifetime achievement honor, Sidney Lumet said this was nice "after 30 years of enmity with the critics." He added that this year there were so many good movies out that once awards season hit, "I found it hard to vote for myselfbut I managed."
A publicist for Charles Burnett's Killer of Sheep was running around saying, "They restored itand then we had to pay for the music rights!" Daniel Day-Lewis, presenting an honor to Javier Bardem, cracked, "He didn't get this from the National Association of Barbershops."
Persepolis Marjane Satrapi told the crowd, "In France, they always call the New York critics tough bastards. So thank you, my bastard friends." Patricia Clarkson said she's only eight years older than Amy Ryan but "In Hollywood, I'll be playing her mother soon." The Lives of Others director von Donnersmarck told me he "had some important things to say" when the orchestra cut his acceptance speech off on the Oscars. But he wouldn't specify what they were because, "There are some things you can only say when the world's listening."
With the room listening, Ellen Barkin claimed that after he directed his first few movies, George Clooney wrote a letter to Lumet saying he's sorry he stole so much. And Maggie Gyllenhaal revealed that There Will Be Blood cinematographer Robert Elswit once hid in a closet to take a photo of her brother Jake's birth. That must have been how TMZ was born.