Oscar Predictions Filled With Greed and Vengeance!

From the seer, suckers: The nominees, plus trash talk about some non-nominees

But don't rule out: John Travolta, Hairspray (for bravely turning camp into science fiction) and Tommy Lee Jones, No Country for Old Men (I'm scared-a him.). By the way, with this bunch of largely obscure films based on greed and vengeance, the Academy should probably be thrilled that there probably won't be a telecast this year. Imagine the ratings!

But enough with these pretentious, grubby craftspeople aiming for hollow glory. Let me truly go into the wild for some trashy, non-award-winning gossip by the coward Michael Musto: The steamy club BoysRoom was recently evicted, so it moved to Rapture Café, where they now block off the shelves of books at night—as if the go-go crowd would grab for some of them!

Actually, there is one they might want to peek at: Andrew Morton's unauthorized bio of Tom Cruise, though it turns out that the tell-all treats sexuality issues briefly, as if fucked by both a cop and a lawyer. Firstly, Morton insists on using the term "gay slurs" more than once, as if agreeing with Cruise's legal team that it's vicious for a star to be called gay. He also writes with great assuredness, "Tom has successfully—and rightly—won every legal battle about his sexuality." But Morton does admit that Tom may have lost the war because of the constant speculation on the Web. And he sneaks in a story about a porn star named Big Red who claimed to have slept with Cruise. Though the Enquirer found Red's story too screwy to run, Morton quotes pit-bull private eye Anthony Pellicano as being more open-minded about it. In any case, if it's true that—as Morton reports—the guy ended up in hiding, maybe he and the author can get together for drinks in the underworld.

Affleck: a nomination in the cards?
photo: Warner Bros. Pictures
Affleck: a nomination in the cards?


Porn star Michael Lucas came out of his boudoir closet to answer my item that on Another Gay Sequel: Gays Gone Wild, he refused to wear a "cock sock," and—what's worse—he made his young co-star cry by fingering his butt. Lucas swears he put the cock blocker on with no objection, and he also pooh-poohs the ass-fingering claim. "Even if I was ugly and desperate on a desert island," he told me, "I wouldn't do that with him. He was not my type—a skinny little teenager. It would seem like child molestation. Not to sound arrogant, but I usually get a very positive reaction when I stick my finger in people's assholes. Some guys are upset when I don't put my finger up there. But this guy wasn't interesting to me. Unless it's the producers spreading the rumor. How desperate they must be!" Do I smell two thumbs up from Ebert and Roeper?

Finally, things are looking up for Lindsay Lohan. She may not get a nomination for I Know Who Killed Me, but I hear Lohan's being interviewed for the cover of Paper at the Beverly Hills Hotel, then sweeping off to go back to the recording studio. Let's toast her with cranberry juice!


And while our glasses are upraised, let's toast my spanking new blog! Click on it, comment on it, pee on it—just get on it now!


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