The Top Ten Reasons Why Cybersex is Good for You

Yes, you, red-blooded, non-perverted American citizen. Cybersex wants you.

When I tell people I write about cybersex, I get a lot of curious reactions. I’ve grown used to, for example, the “Oh my God, you’re secretly a pervert” grimace: a sour, prudish twisting of the mouth. I’m also well-acquainted with the “You actually have sex on the internet?!” look of shock and concern—raised eyebrows, dropped jaw. And then there’s the most curious reaction of all: the understanding, almost sympathetic nod, which says, “It must be tough, but good for you. After all, somebody has got to uncover that den of online perversion.”

Rarely do people—even sex positive people—respond cybersex positively. Why is that? When so many consenting adults are having sex online, why do we still think of it as “wrong”? Sure, we can blame media that feeds us anti-cybersex sensationalism (To Catch a Predator, with its line-up of internet prowling pedophiles, come to mind). But the truth is we love sex, and we definitely love technology. So why can’t we love the two together?

I was shocked to receive a recent email from a Click Me reader that asked, “Are there any benefits to cybersex?” Like, seriously? Maybe I haven’t been making myself clear: of course there are benefits to cybersex! Cybersex, like real-life sex, can be a wonderful thing—full of pleasure, skill, and sexual self-expression. Here are the top ten reasons you—yes, you, red-blooded, non-perverted American citizen—should be out doing it right now.

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Heroine Sheik
Bonnie Ruberg's blog about sex, tech, gender, and videogames

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1. Safety: Despite the sensationalist buzz around internet predators, cybersex is actually a lot safer than sex in real life. Don’t give out personal information to strangers, of course, and you’ll find the only thing you have worry about is what turns you on—not STD’s, not unwanted pregnancy, not even how to find a babysitter. As one single mom put it, “Why endanger my kids by bringing home sexual partners if I can tuck them into bed and have fun online in the next room?”

2. Convenient sex for singles: Cybersex doesn’t require an empty house, a hotel room, or even a bed. More importantly, it doesn’t require the lengthy tactics of face-to-face seduction. Whether you’re looking for a quick romp before you head off to work—hard to come by if you live alone—or an end-of-the-night, on-demand orgasm, the internet and its wealth of cybersex enthusiasts is always waiting and ready.

3. Convenient sex for couples: He lives in California. She’s spending three weeks visiting family in the Philippines. How will this couple handle their time apart? By having regular webcam sex, of course! Being long-distance doesn’t mean you have to be sexually frustrated. In fact, it can be a great time to explore sexy new sides to a relationship—with the help of a little technology.

4. Trying new kinks: Because cybersex isn’t “real,” it gives people a chance to experiment with sex acts and fetishes they haven’t, wouldn’t, or couldn’t in real life. Think you have a thing for stockings? Want to practice switching genders? Does the idea of being a giant whale really turn you on, but you can’t figure out the logistics? Internet sex communities are often accepting and almost always anonymous. Who’s going to judge you?

5. Meeting new people: Having cybersex with someone you’ve just met may seem strange, but it can actually lead to lasting online friendships. Hook up with a hottie in a virtual world and you may find yourself chatting about indie rock and ice cream preferences for hours after the sex is over. There’s also the appeal of the virtual one-night stand: a new lover every night, from the comfort of a desk chair.

6. Exercising your creative muscle: Cybersex is an art. How often do you get to write like an erotic novelist and dream up new ways to describe that tired, old “throbbing member”? Alternately, take pride in your digital-camera skills. You’re a real pornography photographer when you snap those naked pictures and post them online. Own up!

7. Making money: Sure, there are stigmas around using your body for cash. But combine the safety, creativity, and convenience of cybersex, and you’ve got a great recipe for online sex work. From escorting in Second Life to performing on webcams, the possibilities abound for internet users who feel comfortable putting themselves out there online—and earning something back in exchange.

8. Gaining confidence: Don’t think you’re a sexy person? You’re wrong. Someone out there on the world wide web shares your sexual interests—and thinks you’re hot. Start chatting; buy yourself a webcam. With enough cyberers wrapped around your sexy, virtual finger, you might just look in the real-life mirror a whole new way.

9. Practicing for “the real thing”: Talking dirty in real-life bed can be hard—not because it’s actually difficult, but because it comes with a lot of pressure. “What if I sound stupid? What if he doesn’t think it’s sexy?” Enter text-based cybersex. Thanks to the anonymity of the internet, it’s easy to get feedback on dirty talk—and to get used to hearing it coming out of your fingertips, if not your mouth.

10. The sheer pleasure: Cybersex is sexy, and it feels good. So go on, have some already!

Last Week: My Life as a (Pretend) Russian Sexbot

Click Me runs on villagevoice.com every Monday. Got a question about cybersex? Write to your friendly cyberhood sexpert Bonnie Ruberg to ask advice or share stories about sex and the internet: bonnie [at] heroine-sheik [dot] com.

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