Can I Sue Somebody for Fisting-Induced Fibromyalgia?

A."It is a little controversial whether fibromyalgia is a real disease at all or just a mysterious constellation of symptoms," says Dr. Barak Gaster, Savage Love's resident medical expert. "Most mainstream doctors accept it as real, but it's still in the slightly dubious category."

Fibromyalgia's constellation of symptoms include fatigue, generalized pain, irritable bowel syndrome, headaches, and roughly 400 other complaints. But you fibromyalgia sufferers have arrived: There's a new drug on the market with a goofy name (Lyrica), an annoying ad campaign (courtesy of Pfizer), and its own constellation of possible side effects (hives, difficulty breathing, swelling of the tongue, dizziness, sleepiness, blurred vision, etc.).

But fisting-induced fibromyalgia? Maybe skidmarkalgia can be induced by fisting, FF, but not fibromyalgia. "That would NOT be considered credible in any real way whatsoever," says Dr. Gaster. You may have fibromyalgia, FF, and you may have been fisted before your diagnosis, but there's no relationship, and no personal-injury lawyer is going to take your case.

Q. We appreciated your recent remarks condemning bestiality. We agree that it is wrong, wrong, wrong for the very same reason that you pointed out—the issue of consent. However, we don't agree with your advice that zoophiles should "get a tall fence." The zoophile who wrote you desperately needs counseling and should in no way be encouraged to have any contact with animals.—Colleen O'Brien, PETA

A. Thanks for writing, Colleen, because I would hate for people to take away from that column—you know, that column, the one where I told RUFF to go get banged by dogs behind "tall fences"—that it's in any way permissible for a human person to get, you know, banged by dogs behind tall, tall fences. I'm grateful for the opportunity to clarify my position. Which is con. Because it's, you know, gross.

More Web-only letters about bestiality and Dan's response to RUFF here. . .