A Heaping Pile of Salacious Blind Items!

Who did what to whom? When? How? Where? (Don't ask why.)

Which seemingly passive half of that design duo can actually be a tempestuous spitfire? (He threw a drink at a Barracuda patron, whose friend chased him out the door, hoping for a showdown.) Which club regular is rumored to dabble in dominatrix work and is so successful at it that she got $1,100 from a guy just to shave one armpit? Shouldn't there be some kind of buy-one-get-one-free deal? What African-American young man who works for a repetitively named design firm (or says he does) trolls around gay parlors trying to drum up some johns? Which CBS personality sits in his car telling passersby that he's doing so to watch Katie Couric on the news, but it's actually to stall until 7 p.m., when his parking there can become legal? Which portrait artist's dog sadly spent two days in the hospital after ingesting cocaine (someone else's, mind you)? Are any of you miscreants muttering, "What a waste of good cocaine"?

Which exotic, young hotshot designer has been supposedly doing it with that black rapper with many children? Which cute-as-a-button Broadway performer who's gone from leads to supporting roles is actually straight? (No, I'm serious. There's one Broadway male who really is a hetero, and this guy is it.) Which other always-working Broadway type continually talks about a hot girlfriend who never materializes, for obvious reasons? Which good-looking writer of exposé books has a sexually adventurous side himself? Which hotel just underwent some firings because staffers admitted a 16-year-old model to the in-house club and she ended up so intoxicated she capped off her night reclining in an ambulance?

And moving on to names: Can any of you tell Rachel McAdams from Amy Adams? Did all the freaks complaining about Amy Winehouse winning awards for bad behavior wonder why they were cheering back when Eminem was honored for musical fag-bashing? Did it ever occur to you that maybe The Little Mermaid is trying to show how tacky things are underwater? Do you ever feel as if Katie Holmes's life has become an amalgam of two Ira Levin novels (The Stepford Wives and Rosemary's Baby)? Did it ever cross your mind that Britney Spears has seven personalities and none of them can sing live? I'll hush now.

musto@villagevoice.com
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