Ellen Page's Sexuality! Jennifer Garner's Hairdo!

Writer's cramp? No, a nonstop stream of diary during the Oscars telecast.

And now for something completely similar.

Surely there's something of interest out there that's not Oscar-related, no? Ummm . . . (silence; the wind blows a tumbleweed, etc.) Oh, yeah! Grey Gardens legend Albert Maysles just told me he'll probably do a movie about late architect Philip Johnson—or more specifically about one of Johnson's famous buildings. A movie about a building? "It's a very unusual one," Maysles assured me, with gleaming eyeballs.

Some Tony Awards stuff? Well, Sunday in the Park with George is the absolutely brilliant if a tiny bit boring Sondheim show (ever rhyme "rapturous" with "capture us"?) being given a brilliant if a tiny bit boring production that has nifty projections in lieu of big-star presences and which generally sweeps away all the dreck on Broadway with a dotted broom of multicolored sophistication.

Also being resuscitated, Come Back, Little Sheba is—like the character of Lola herself—not all it used to be. But there's real heartbreak in Lola's plight, and at least the revival succeeds in reminding you that the movie was fab. Otherwise, except for Kevin Anderson's strong Doc, I didn't feel this Sheba really needed to come back.

Something new at least, Passing Strange is a fresh and funny rock-musical journey with a European twist that, as far as rock-musical journeys with a European twist go, is far fresher and funnier than Brooklyn the Musical.

But the zaniest show in town—I hear—is some non-Oscar-nominated thing that pops up at the Box called Two Girls, One Cup. As the act is described on YouTube, "Two girls shit in a cup, then eat it, vomit in it, then eat that, then vomit into each other's mouths." If you don't like it, you can eat shit and die.

Wait, I've got more shit. I heard the fat guy on Logo's Big Gay Sketch Show didn't renew his contract because he thought he was going to get on SNL, but then he didn't. Sounds like something I would do.

I had my own weird career moment anyway. Appearing at an LGBT Center event, I was approached by a grinning guy who said, "My cousin in Maine sees you on TV and told me to come here and see if you're a dwarf." And I thought the camera added 15 pounds! No wonder I'm having such a eunuch time.

musto@villagevoice.com

Steve Granitz/WireImage

michael Musto

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