By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
The gorgeously unique Jackie Hoffman (who was in Hairspray—but not on ice) did her hilarious Scraping the Bottom show at Joe's Pub, and in between raging against having been replaced in a Cameron Diaz movie by Queen Latifah, of all people, she talked about the little-known phenomenon of babies being slipped aphrodisiacs. "But who would want a really horny baby?" Hoffman said—then she answered herself with: "Tony Roberts!" (Whether that was an in joke or just some random silliness, Roberts—Jackie's Xanadu co-star, sitting across from me—laughed heartily.) Hoffman also said she won't do AIDS benefits anymore because her friends with the virus live forever on the new drugs. "The only people affected now are starving Africans," she deadpanned, "and they don't come to my shows!"
I scraped the middle by going to the premiere of Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day, a kind of nice but not exactly electrifying fable. At the event, star Frances McDormand cracked about the director: "I thought he'd be really good at this job. He knows every frame of Evil Dead 1, 2, and 3!"
Miss Musto lived for a night by finally going to Suite, the gay bar way up on Amsterdam Avenue and 100-and-something street—not quite in the Heights, but still verging on nosebleed territory. It turned out to be cute and comfy, with jungle-print sconces hanging over the bar and game-show-like panels of lights on the wall. Adding to the décor on Saturdays, drag star Sahara Davenport high-kicks, spins around, and talks 80 miles a minute. If she's not on something, then we need to bottle her and pass it around. Next, I'll be going way uptown to the well-known bar No Parking, where I will, no doubt, come off like a white weirdo crashing an all-black Tennessee Williams production.
Meanwhile, spread this to your neighbors: A friend of a friend was shown a photo of trannie extraordinaire Amanda Lepore and blurted, "That's Armand Lepore! I went to public school with him in Essex County, New Jersey!"
And here's an even bigger coincidence: I come from the same place that Christian Siriano's boyfriend lives in—Brooklyn! Yes, the Project Runway winner has a beau: portrait photographer and Junk magazine editor Brad Walsh, who just had a party for his work in his Park Slope place, hosted by, you guessed it, Christian Siriano. There was even a gift bag! In Park Slope!
In your gift bag is a reminder to read my blog, La Daily Musto," on villagevoice.com for yet more poison-spewing that uremia hasn't made a dent in. If you don't go there, you'll miss out on Tilda Swinton's boyfriend's penis paintings, Joey Arias's upcoming show with Basil Twist, and Mindy Cohn's film performance as a lesbian. And I haven't even written that one yet!