By Alex Distefano
By Scott Snowden
By Anna Merlan
By Steve Almond
By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
In other honors, I hear Obama already has a potential running mate lined up, just in case: It's a Middle-America-type Democrat who's a Vietnam vet with war creds. Then again, this information comes from the wife of a food critic . . . Wouldn't it be a wonderful world if Obama could stand up and say: "I agree with a lot of what that pastor says! We do act like terrorists sometimes. And whitey is a mean, oppressing motherfucker who's made life hell for us!"? And if Geraldine Ferraro could stand up and bray: "I have to admit, I was idiotic to suggest that being a black man would be someone's entrée into the White House! Perhaps the fact that not one black has ever been allowed to come close would have been a pretty good clue!"? . . . The very white Jodie Foster has gone right back into the safety of her closet. Read my blog for more details . . . I hear that after being interviewed by Anderson Cooper, Kristen's nervy pimp Jason Itzler was seriously asking people: "Was Anderson impressed by me?" Dumb ho! . . . As I recently blogged, Elliot Spitzer is an idiot too. I would have fucked him for nothing!
At last week's gala NLGJA dinner at the Times Center, Anna Nicole chronicler Rita Cosby told me that she recently had lunch with Spitzer, but he didn't make a pass at her—I asked! Also there, some press person offered to send a promotional umbrella (ella, ella, eh, eh . . . ) to Carson Kressley. She then moved on to another Queer Eye guy and asked: "Can I send you an umbrella? Carson just agreed to it." The guy said "Sure," then as the woman walked away, he was heard telling his date: "Shit! Kressley's here!" Now that would have made a good reality show.
So would the other fun scenario I was told about that night—that when The New York Times' Web editor came back from a trip and saw the breaking story on his site about Spitzer's whore problems, he said: "Oh, no! We've been hacked!" He actually thought someone had broken into the site and posted a hoax story! And that's probably what Silda Spitzer thought too!
Some of the scandal names have been changed in Brian Antoni's South Beach: The Novel, a tempestuous roman à clef that revels in SoBe's whory glory days. "All right, spill, kid," I demanded at Antoni's house party for the book. "Who are the characters based on?" "There's a gay gossip columnist who's into s&m," Antoni obliged. "That's based on Tom Austin—though he's straight—combined with a guy who was found murdered on the beach. There's also an Italian designer—ask anyone in Miami and they'll know who it is—and a Cuban gangster." And the reaction this is getting from the gangsters and sadomasochists? "I got new locks for my place down there," Antoni replied. Well, I'm still gonna break in and mess up the joint for not basing the gay s&m gossip columnist on me. Bitch!