By Jared Chausow
By Katie Toth
By Elizabeth Flock
By Albert Samaha
By Anna Merlan
By Jon Campbell
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
Q. I'm a 28-year-old straight girl two years into my first marriage. New job, new home, and new city—1,200 miles from my closest friends. It was really lonely at first, not knowing anyone nearby. Plus, Hubby is far less social than I am and has not gone out of his way to help us make any friends to hang out with. He's happiest at home on the couch, in front of a good movie, which is how we spend a lot of our time.
Adding to that is the fact that Hubby is now working late nights. I've spent a lot of lonely Fridays and Saturdays at home. A hot bath coupled with a good book is fun only so often before it becomes pathetic. Enter Elaine: She's my running/workout buddy, my wine-bar buddy, and happens to be a lesbian. She recently split with her partner of eight years, and as a result, we've been going out a lot more often.
Hubby is not happy. He feels threatened by Elaine's lesbianness, and equates it to me hanging out with a single straight guy. I did have a couple of straight-but-drunk escapades with women way back in college (Hubby knows), but I am not gay, not interested, and not a cheater. Plus, I am simply not Elaine's type. She has never once come on to me, nor has she said/done anything that hinted at an other-than-friendly relationship. How can I convince Hubby that my friendship with Elaine is platonic and nonthreatening? And keep him from pouting and griping every time I mention her name? She's the only friend I have. —Sick of Being Home Alone
A. It might help, SOBHA, if you didn't use inelegant phrases like "two years into my first marriage," unless you mean to imply that second, third, or fourth marriages are in your future. If I ran around introducing my boyfriend to people as "my current boyfriend" it might give him a complex, too. Just sayin'.
Here's how you set your husband at ease about Elaine: Keep doing what you're doing—all of you. You get to hang out with Elaine, which is within your rights (married people are allowed to have friends and nights out); he gets to grumble about it, which is within his rights (married people are allowed to have feelings and insecurities). Only the passage of time—along with regularly offered reassurances, your acquisition of other friends, and Elaine's eventual acquisition of a new girlfriend—will convince your husband that Elaine's intentions toward you are merely friendly, and that you're not itching to eat pussy for old times' sake.
It would also help if your husband spent some time hanging out with you and Elaine. Invite her over for one of those on-the-couch movie nights. And if Elaine isn't willing to hang out with your husband—if she's not willing to do what she can to set him at ease—then your husband's suspicions about her intentions may not be entirely irrational.
Q. My (now ex-)husband loved to fantasize about me fucking other men. At first I was repulsed, but he kept at it and eventually I started indulging his fantasies by making up stories to tell him while we were having sex. This soon led to him asking if we could have threesomes with other people, so he could watch me getting fucked for real. We did this a few times.
I ended up having a couple of affairs that I didn't tell him about. Of course he found out, and now he's divorcing me. I feel terrible about what I did, but I can't help but wonder if his need to see me with other men and my subsequent feelings of inadequacy (and my need to be with a man who just wanted me) contributed to my affairs. Now, I am terrified to get into another relationship. I don't want to wind up with someone who has fantasies like this again. —All Screwed Up About Sex
A. If the marriage of a cuckold fetishist and his adulterous wife can't survive a routine infidelity then, jeez, what hope is there for the rest of us?
Look, ASUAS, your fears are understandable after what you've been through/been put through/put your soon-to-be ex-husband through. But your odds of winding up with another cuckold fetishist? Pretty slim. Your ex-husband's kink may be enjoying its 15 minutes, but it isn't all that common.
Q. Recently, I brought up the idea of adding a little kink to my boyfriend's and my sex life. Nothing extreme—just some light bondage and some toys. A simple "No, I'm not interested" I would understand, but he freaked the fuck out. He got angry, saying that he didn't know I was a "freak who was into sick shit." The next day, he called me like nothing had happened, and I've been hesitant to bring it up ever since. We have been dating for a few months, and he seemed like a nice guy, not some sexually conservative nut job. I don't know what caused his freakout, and I don't know whether I should head for the hills or what. —Slightly Kinky Lady