By Jena Ardell
By Jon Campbell
By Alan Scherstuhl
By Tessa Stuart
By Roy Edroso
By Jon Campbell
By Albert Samaha
By Zachary D. Roberts
A. What caused his freakout? Dunno. Your boyfriend could be insecure or repressed or uninterested in kink. And any or all of that would be fine, SKL, and something you might be able to work with or around, if your boyfriend were capable of discussing his insecurities, repression, and/or disinterest without resorting to sexual shaming and emotional abuse. While I would never advise someone to run from a good, decent, vanilla boyfriend, that is precisely what I would advise someone whose boyfriend resorts to emotional abuse to shut down a conversation about the sex life he shares with his girlfriend—that's shares, not owns.
But before you head for the hills, SKL, give the asshole a chance to redeem himself. Perhaps he feels bad about freaking out and is too embarrassed, ashamed, or clueless to broach the subject. So sit him down and say exactly this—yes, memorize it—to him: "What you did to me the other night was abusive and unfair. Lovers should be able to talk openly about their sexual interests. So let's try it again: I'm interested in some light kink. If you're not, that's cool. But there's nothing wrong with me. If you're not willing to meet my needs, or if you feel that my kinks give you the right to treat me like shit, then there's something wrong with you."
If he apologizes and promises to make amends (and pick up some rope), you can keep seeing him. If he blows up again, SKL, DTMFA.
Q. Dan! Everyone has an opinion, but you're the one with the advice column. So stop printing goddamn response letters from readers every other week. —Quit It Already
A. You're right, QIA: I've been running way too many goddamn response letters from my goddamn opinionated readers. It's almost as if some of my goddamn readers think they know more about putting together a goddamn advice column than I do. Christ, the nerve of some goddamn people, huh?