Did Meryl Streep Ever Sleep With DeNiro?

At the buffet table with Rachel Dratch, missing Osama, and why Harvey Fierstein is always right

At the same bash, I started wishing Rachel Dratch was busier than a workhorse. (Hand me the Tony now for worst segue of all time.) I told Dratch I loved her being so honest in that New York magazine item where she said her job offers have completely dried up, while her old SNL castmates are soaring. Has any work poured in as a result? No, Dratch said, but at least she's gotten some offers of sympathy. "People say, 'We're rooting for you!' " she told me. "And some people come up to me on the street and say, 'Aw! Are you all right?' "

Downtown performers got a lot of work (though it didn't pay) thanks to the Pope's very-well-dressed visit, which prompted an all-star Benedict-bashing revue over at Rapture Café on Saturday night. Somehow this led to three Virgin Marys in a row. (One licked the Christ child, another birthed a turkey, and the third insisted that abstinence education doesn't work; "I'm a virgin mother, for God's sake!") And then came da Popes, one of them looking out into the gayish crowd and saying, "I do forgive you boys—especially the little ones!"

And that wasn't the end of the preaching to the perverted. At my favorite bar, Pieces, the rottenest opening line in history came from a Hebrew scholar who barreled up to me to say, "I feel the Bible forbids homosexuality only when a woman is also involved. Even a gynecologist will tell women that after they defecate, they should wipe away from the vagina . . . " Charmed to meet you too, darling.

Rachel Dratch, last year at the Tribeca Film Festival
Scott McDermott
Rachel Dratch, last year at the Tribeca Film Festival

Speaking of women's privates—as I so rarely do—let's get back to Jodie Foster and the nagging issue of her closety silence. Jodie's dear friend Randy Stone—who was a wee bit bent—was rumored to be the daddy of Jodie's sons. And I'm now reminded that after his death, Randy's mother told the Enquirer that she was desperate to know if Randy was the dad so she could have a relationship with her grandsons if that was the case. But of course, as with so many things, Jodie used her silence to prevent this possibility from actualizing. Still, I love the woman and absolutely refuse to believe that as an actor or a person, she's NOTHING!

An out gay, Marc Jacobs has become quite the love target in his post-adolescence. According to a gossip site, Marc's old boyfriend has threatened to kick the ass of his new one, Austin A, feeling the guy's nothing but a blatant golddigger. And I guess that's different from a golddigger and a rentboy, right? Why don't you two kids go play under the Brooklyn Bridge?

musto@villagevoice.com

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