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I recently created an OkCupid account of my own, and I noticed the site told me to "Go off and play. Do you think of it as a play space, almost a sort of game?
"Game" isnt the word Id use for OkCupid. I prefer the analogy of the bar. Were like a bar where theres a pool table, a dartboard, and a baseball game on. There's a lot of things to do. Thats why we do really, really well with women. Were about 45% female and about 55% male. When I talk to our female users, they say, The reason Im on OkCupid and not on Match.com isthis is how they justify it to themselvesIm only signing up for the quizzes. Its like a hot girl who wouldnt go to a singles bar, but would go to a bar for karaoke night. A lot of other dating sites, they force you to have this moment of Zen when you look at your credit card and you say to yourself, "I am an online dater." For women theres that anxiety like, Do I really have to pay to get a date? We offer a free site thats not just about dating, so women think, Sure, Ill give it a try. In general, eHarmony will get people who are desperate: the guy whos forty saying, Oh my God, I havent found anyone. Help find me my soul mate! OkCupid is going to get the hot, trendy, hipster, cool, grunge, 27-year-old, who just wants to hang out and chat with interesting people, and if something happens romantically, so be it.
Is that the average of OkCupid users, 27?
Right around 27, 28. Think about it this way: if youre 18 to 24, is there any way on Gods green earth youre signing up for Match.com? No! So we totally dominate. People under thirty, they grew up with the internet. And lets face it: everything that you do online is free these days. Facebook is a great site, and they dont charge. So what is a lame site like Match.com doing charging?
Besides the demographic, what makes OkCupid so apparently different from sites like Match.com?
I feel like Match.com is a zoo where youre walking around looking in cages and saying, That is an interesting animal there. Like I said, we try to make OkCupid more like an online bar. So youre there, youre hanging out. Youre taking quizzes, youre posting on someones journal. Youre just socializing, but there happen to be hot guys and hot girls. That just seems so much more natural than the zoo feeling. Its also much more empowering and irreverent than believing that theres a Dr. Phil or some guru of romance that you have to defer to. Theres no greater power than the user in our opinion
But, like other dating sites, OkCupid has an algorithm that tells users who they would and wouldnt be compatible with, right?
Its important to remember our algorithm is different from eHarmonys, which is one size fits all. Its like a religion; eHarmony says, We know the way. We know the promise land. You guys have to get in line and do what we say. The way our algorithm works, its customized to each person. So, if religion is really important to you, but not owning cats is really important to me because Im allergic, in your algorithm God will get more weight than cats, but in mine cats will get more weight than God. We dont make any judgements Its our job to help you bump into interesting people while youre on OkCupid. I call it engineered discovery.
Do your users just discover other potential partners, or do you think theyre also discovering new sexual possibilities?
We allow people to be really expressive on OkCupid. Its not just a matter of filling out check boxes. I think people are able to talk more openly about sex, so I think that leads to exploring more sexual possibilities. The other thing is, while were very much a general interest site, there are certain niches of peoplelike polyamourous peoplewho find OkCupid to be a much more open and accepting place [than other dating sites]. Someone whos polyamorous doesnt fit into the Match.com box, and God forbid doesnt fit into the Eharmony box. We also have a slightly higher than average percentage of people who identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual, probably 13% or 14%. So the people who are marginalized on some of the subscription sites find a really welcoming venue here. And the way our algorithm works, if youre a conservative person, youre just not going to run into the much more liberal people. Youll never see that other side of OkCupid.
What about people who are interested in having online sex, not necessarily meeting up with other users in real life. Is there a place for them on OkCupid?
SY: I wouldnt say most people are coming to OkCupid for cybersex. But if you were to put on your profile, Hey, one of the things Im interested in is cybersex, Im very, very confident than in short order youll start finding people who have that interest We have a lot of sexual content on the site. If I go to your profile, and youve taken the Do you give a good blowjob? test, then Ive got an easy segue to start talking to you about blowjobs. I dont have to ask, Do you wanna cyber? I can just be like, Hey, you seem to think you give good head. Tell me about it. Now youre essentially cybering, right? There was no cyber foreplay needed. Also, because the site is free, you see a lot of people chatting with people who are far away from each othersomeone in the U.S. and in France, someone in California and someone in Floridaand at 2 in the morning youve got to wonder what theyre really talking about. Theres this sense that its not so serious, that its not just about getting married. I think if you start flirting with someone whos 2000 miles away, cybering is a place you get to pretty quickly.
Previously in Click Me: Jenna Jameson: Virtual Sex Machine
Click Me runs on villagevoice.com on Mondays. Got a question about cybersex? Write to your friendly cyberhood sexpert Bonnie Ruberg to ask advice or to share stories about sex and the internet: bonnie [at] heroine-sheik [dot] com.